Is Marriage The Answer for A Struggling New Muslim? Part 1

24 January, 2017
Q Assalamu Alaikum. I found a Christian woman who wanted to become Muslim. I've given her the shahadah (testament of faith), but she can’t practice the religion to the fullest until she leaves her parents. Upon her acceptance, we've decided to get married under the religion. But I've committed zina (illegal intercourse), and repented for my actions. And I am continuing to repent. My question is: is she still lawful for me to marry or am I prohibited from marrying her?

Answer

Asalamu Alaikum Mujahid,

Thank you for contacting About Islam with your question.

Please find part one of the answer to your question below. Find the second and final part at the link here.

Your enthusiasm to help your friend is highly appreciated. But I am not sure that your getting married is a solution to her problem.

From the information you provided, I understand you are still a teenager. This might not be the best age to start a marital life in today’s complex society and dynamic life.

Before I elaborate on the appropriate solution, let me first address your worry about if she is lawful to you, despite the fact that you have committed the sin of zina (fornication).

This is not the forum to ask such specific question, because our services at Reading Islam do not include providing fatwas to our readers. In such matters, you would usually need to address your question to AboutIslam.net‘s Ask the Scholar.

Yet, I will give you some quick reflections concerning this point. You need to know that Allah is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful. He has promised forgiveness of any sin, as long as sincerity of repentance is guaranteed.

This does not means that fornication is an easy sin to overlook or forget about. It is a fact that fornication is considered one of the gravest sins that negatively affects those who commit it, as well as society.

This is why Allah decreed social and physical punishment for it in this life and in the Hereafter.

Yet, again, I would go back to remind you that Allah is still the Most Forgiving and that it is for Him to choose to forgive His repenting servants.

The Divine Islamic ruling declares that sins are forgiven when the person deserts them and asks for forgiveness in his or her repentance. Also, these sins and bad deeds are exchanged by God’s divine order to be counted as good deeds when one repents. 

So, you are doing well at this point by continuing in your repentance. The more you repent, the more your good deeds are counted, and the more the distance widens between you and your sins.

Mujahid, you are not your past. You are today. Today, you are a person who is trying to help another find God and practice Islam. Today, you are taking the hand of another soul and coming nearer to Allah to live a more stable and peaceful life.

Maybe your question is due to your reading of the Quranic verse that says what means:

{The adulterer shall not marry except an adulteress or a female polytheist […]} (An-Nur 24:3)

In fact, you need to know that many scholars have agreed upon the explanation of this Quranic ruling by stating that this would be the case only as long as the person is still an adulterer.

But, you need to look at yourself today and ask if you are an adulterer. I personally understand from your question that you are not. You are from among the repentant. So, this would not be the obstacle if you need to marry one another.

What we seriously need to address here is the idea of you both getting married at this stage in the first place.

Again, I see that your age will be an obstacle in fulfilling the duties of marriage. I expect the age of your friend to be close to yours as well.

So, both of you need to realize that the moment you marry you would be completely responsible for yourselves and each other; financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, and so on.

Both of you need to continue your education, secure your status, and afford the means to live in this world independently. In case you have a child, a third person (or more) will be dependent on you both, and you will have a whole other set of responsibilities.

I think getting married should be your last option, if things are terribly difficult with her family members. In this case, I suggest that you involve your parents, explaining her situation and your desire to help, and make sure they support you in this step in all ways.

In fact, I am not sure that having your friend involved in a marital relationship is the best solution to her problem right now. If she has reverted to Islam and chose to submit to her Creator, this does not mean that she should make more drastic changes to her life.

Please continue reading part two at the link here.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

The Repentance of a Fornicator

Will I Ever Be Forgiven?

Lost My Virginity Before Marriage; Will Allah Forgive Me?

My Prayer, Life and Death… for Allah

Top 10 Reasons Why Marriage Fails

When New to Islam “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”