Is Marriage The Answer for A Struggling New Muslim? Part 2

24 January, 2017
Q Assalamu Alaikum. I found a Christian woman who wanted to become Muslim. I've given her the shahadah (testament of faith), but she can’t practice the religion to the fullest until she leaves her parents. Upon her acceptance, we've decided to get married under the religion. But I've committed zina (illegal intercourse), and repented for my actions. And I am continuing to repent. My question is: is she still lawful for me to marry or am I prohibited from marrying her?

Answer

Asalamu Alaikum Mujahid,

Thank you for contacting About Islam with your question.

Please find the second and final part of the answer to your question below. Find the first part at the link here.

Changing one’s religion is in itself a big move. Your friend needs to adjust herself to her new life style, step by step.

It will be a bit difficult for her to make another huge leap by changing her environment and everything about her life, which is what a marriage will do.

If both of you were much older, I would have really advised you to share your journey in this life together and to remain patient. But, today, I am not sure it is the best thing for both of you.

I would not want your friend to desert her faith due to the difficulties she might face if you both start on your own, while you are still so young.

Remember that what she knows about Islam today is little in comparison to what she would know if she goes on studying, and practicing her religion without the difficulties of marriage.

I suggest that your friend stay, for the time being, with her parents. Let her study and grow more and more.

This will make her faith deeper and her will stronger. I advise her to keep her new belief, for the time being, hidden from her family.

After all, each person has the right to believe in what he or she believes. This would be only until she becomes stronger. And she will only achieve this by time and study.

She needs to practice her faith peacefully without attacking others for not being like her. Let her know that we Muslims, including her, share common values and virtues with our brothers and sister from other faiths.

Remember that Islam teaches us to be tender with ones’ parents and to be merciful with all beings. Is it that Islam teaches her to desert her parents and start a difficult life of hardships that she might not be able to withstand? Certainly not.

I would rather have her stay around them and practice her life as a peaceful and effective Muslim. Let them see that Islam has changed her for the better. Let them see that she deserted the negative and adopted the positive.

Instruct her to react calmly and peacefully if her parents attack Islam and help them realize, by time, that she has developed a wise character.

If she is patient and persistent, she will definitely win her parents’ respect for her new religion. Today, what most non-Muslims know about Islam is what the media shows of negative and prejudice propaganda.

It is not enough to scream and say that this is false. The only way is to show them that it is false. This will never happen if she elopes with a Muslim guy and deserts them. And certainly this is how they will see it.

Only if they live with a Muslim, a true Muslim, who submits peacefully to God and fulfills her social role patiently, they might see the difference between reality and false propaganda.

In time, they will get used to her being a Muslim. If they notice that being a Muslim makes her a better person, a better daughter; they might not only start to respect the religion, but they might also be interested to know more about it.

Maybe in a year or two, of intelligent patience, she can hand a gift of the Quran to one of them and ask them to read it. She does not have to push. They will be curious enough to read.

When they read, they might see what she saw and might even choose what she chose. If this is destined, you might gain a family, not only your friend.

As for your interest in marriage, keep it in mind. Do not give it up. Stay by her side, as a decent brotherly friend, till time is appropriate and both of you can make such a step.

Make sure to adhere to the divine limits and never get involved in a haram way. It would a great help to her if you introduce her to a group of female Muslim friends who can help her stay steadfast and enjoy good company.

Make dua (supplication) for her all the time and encourage her to pray. Have her concentrate on practicing and learning the pillars of Islam and Iman.

It would be better for her to learn and share with her family the importance of tawheed and being connected with the Creator of her body, mind, and soul; than to discuss details about wearing hijab or avoiding the consumption of pork, for example.

Islam is not about what we eat or how we dress, etc. Islam is about our love for our Creator and our submission to Him. This is why we follow His orders in relation to the details of our daily life.

There is always a wisdom behind every rule, but a non-Muslim (like her parents) will not see it before they feel this love. It is our mission and role to convey this love to our fellow humans, by mingling with them peacefully, not by deserting them.

I hope, Mujahid, that my answer is helpful. I pray for you both. May Allah accept you both and bless your deeds. In case you need to ask any more questions, please never hesitate to email us back.

Salam.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

The Repentance of a Fornicator

Will I Ever Be Forgiven?

Lost My Virginity Before Marriage; Will Allah Forgive Me?

My Prayer, Life and Death… for Allah

Top 10 Reasons Why Marriage Fails

When New to Islam “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”