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Finding Love or Finding God or Both? Part 3

17 June, 2017
Q Hello, and thank you for your time. I'm currently dating a Muslim girl from Indonesia, whom in the beginning was open about her religion but said it "wasn't too important to her". Now that we're beginning to get serious, however, the thought of co-habitation and possible marriage arises. The problem is that her "version" of Islam (no disrespect; I hope you understand what I mean) requires me to convert for marriage, and otherwise we don't have a future. While I find a lot of aspects of Islam attractive, I just cannot convert in good conscience because I do not believe in a divine entity or divine messengers (I'm agnostic by choice). My conversion would, thus, be disrespectful to the faith and a lie to my partner. I understand that some forms of Islam are very strict about needing the partner to be Muslim, and some aren't, but... well, I just don't know. I love her, I'd like to have a future with her and she's completely free to practice her religion in our household and I'll support that as much as I can, it's important to her and I will never force her to betray that part of her, but conversion is just not an option for me. We both struggle with this fact considering our feelings have developed greatly and we're almost ready for that next step. How can we overcome these difficulties? Once again, thank you for your time. I'm happy an information resource like this exists, it's just too bad not more non-Muslims take the time to actually research what Islam is and means for the many believers around the world.


Part 1 – Part 2

Salam (Peace) Brother,

You are important enough for us to discuss these matters with you.

God did not just create the universe and mankind and let them go about with absolutely no direction or no understanding.

Did you ever see a creator of anything; a mobile, car, TV, or any machine- who creates a machine without giving any instructions or manual or directions on the purpose of its creation and the way to use it? That’s for small things, how about this entire universe, and how about the human being? No purpose at all?

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Rather, we have the most beautiful and most noble purpose of all. The Creator elevated mankind over all other creations and promised them Help and Guidance, and closeness to Him and eternal life in a Paradise wherein they abide eternally and get whatever they please with no worry whatsoever.

Alright, let us reject that. The alternative is that we don’t have a Creator, we die and turn into dust. This sophisticated human being, all this love, all these emotions, all the experiences we go through, all of this ends in nothing, becomes nothing? Our end is dust, nothing else, nothing more?

We trade the belief in absolute honor, elevation, eternity, love, and connection with dust or nothingness?

Now, with regards to your partner, as you may know, in Islam, relationships outside of marriage are not allowed given how unfair they are, especially to the woman, even if she doesn’t recognize that.

It is part of a woman’s honor and right to have a marriage contract. In Islam, this is a testimony from the man in front Allah, the Creator, and in front of all witnesses that this man will be responsible for taking care of the woman’s emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual, and financial needs.

It is his responsibility to look after all her needs from the day they marry and until he or she dies. Any harm; emotionally, physically, etc., that he afflicts on her is forbidden and he will be accountable for it.

This is a commitment because the woman is precious and giving herself, her emotions, time, intellect, and physical being to someone who doesn’t owe her anything and can leave her at any point … THIS is not fair or befitting of women.

We pray that this sister be reminded of that; her rights, duties, and relationship with her Creator, her beliefs and what she stands for.

We understand you came here essentially seeking a beloved partner for this life. Well, what we were suggesting is that you can have a beloved partner for life and afterlife -and better yet- a Beloved Eternal Creator Who is the Source of all Beauty, Purity, Love, and Greatness we can ever experienced.

We understand your doubts and respect you.

You said you encourage people to learn. We also encourage you and invite you to continue your search, for you might find something incredibly beautiful and enriching. Please read the Qur’an thoroughly to the best of your ability.

And know, my brother, that we want no personal gain from you. On the contrary, we’re here to support you and have your back. If you have questions, ask. If you need books, video lectures, contacts … any help, we will do our utmost to help. And this is not something we do as a favor for you. No.

This is your right upon us. The right that the Creator enacted upon us to deliver His message to His people. Just delivering the message, and the rest is between you and God. If I were you, I would want people to do the same for me, and never give up on me until I know the Truth and get the best of this world and the next.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

You do not believe until you wish for your brother what you wish for yourself.

And this is what I wish for myself. When you search sincerely, you will find, this entire universe is created for you to reflect on.

{Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason.} (Qur’an 2: 164)

So use your reason, brother.

Don’t hold tight to ego or prejudices or propaganda. Free your mind and heart from that. Open your mind and heart. And we pray that you will be showered with wisdom, light, comfort, peace, satisfaction, and love.


I hope this helps. Please keep in touch. Salam.

This response is from About Islam’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

How to Understand the Quran Correctly

Get to Know Surah Ya-Sin – With Brother Nouman


About Dina Mohamed Basiony
Dina Mohamed Basiony is a writer based in Cairo, Egypt. She specializes in Islam and spirituality. Dina holds an MA and BA in Journalism and Mass Communication from the American University in Cairo.