I am young Muslimah who has fallen I love with a man who lives far away from my country, Ghana. He is a Nigerian and has lost his job and has no place to sleep too.
My parents are aware we would marry soon, but they don’t know the problems my fiance is facing because I have been covering up for him by providing for him.
In fact, we stay together and my parents are not aware. I am ashamed because I know Allah is angry with me, but I can't throw him out either. Please advice.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Marriage is one of the greatest means of protecting oneself against temptations.
It is not allowed in Islam under any circumstances to maintain a relationship with the opposite gender without marriage.
Seek Allah’s forgiveness.
Speak to your parents about the importance of marriage given that both of you are equally inclined and are ready and are willing to get married.
Regarding the problems that your future husband is facing, you need to tell your parents as it is their right to know about the future husband of their daughter.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
If your parents are aware of your intention to marry the man, then why don’t you go ahead and marry him as soon as possible? Why are you delaying the marriage and living under the same roof with a man who is not a mahram for you?
This is not only a sin of yours but also of your parents. They should not let two young people who are interested in getting married live under the same roof without a marriage contract.
Marriage
You need to tell your parents to get you two married. If you are waiting till he finds a job, then you are doing the wrong thing. Marriage is a blessing and a road to an increase in wealth.
Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” (24:32)
In the Quran, Allah (swt) explicitly states that through marriage, He will enrich the spouses. Therefore, do not think that by delaying the marriage you will be able to get a job and become wealthy. Marriage is a desired act in Islam as it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw).
Speak to parents
I advise you to speak to your parents about the importance of marriage given that both of you are equally inclined and are ready and are willing to get married. You must be frank with your parents because clearly, they do not know the importance of getting you two married as early as possible.
When you speak honestly with them and inform them about the reality of the situation, they might be involved in finding solutions for your problems.
Undoubtedly marriage is one of the greatest means of protecting oneself against temptations. It may be sufficient to do the marriage contract which meets the conditions in sharee’ah until you are able to do the waleemah (wedding feast) and consummate the marriage. This will not render it haram to be with him.
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Allah’s forgiveness
In addition, you must ask Allah (swt) to forgive for the sins that you have committed. It is not allowed in Islam under any circumstances to maintain a relationship with the opposite gender without marriage.
Allah (swt) advises us to lower our gazes even when considering marriage and meet in the presence of a chaperone. Therefore, given such strict guidelines, the first step is to seek forgiveness from Allah (swt).
Regarding the problems that your future husband faces, you need to tell your parents as it is their right to know about the future husband of their daughter. You need to be calm in explaining to them that he can find a job soon after marriage.
Conclusion
However, marriage takes precedence over everything if you have found the right person to marry. Therefore, do not delay marriage.
Remember, that marriage does not have to be fancy and expensive. Therefore, do not think that without a load of money to spend marriage cannot happen. In fact, unnecessary costs should be avoided as this is a waste. A simple wedding should be sought as there are blessings in simplicity.
I hope my answer provided the guidance that you were looking. I pray that Allah (swt) facilitates your marriage with the man you hope to get married to as soon as possible.
Amen,
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