Fiance Doesn’t Want Me to Work After Marriage

04 August, 2020
Q Good day,

My fiance has a problem with me working after marriage. Please could you educate me on the rules guiding women's working, rights after marriage and then advise me too please!

Answer


In this counseling answer:

In sha Allah you both will be able to resolve this successfully and that will set the stage for future conflicts and discrepancies the two of you may have.

You will be able to discuss with your husband why you would like to work and he will be able to explain why he doesn’t want you to and you both will help each other to understand viewpoints and come to a compromise or a decision that is agreeable and happy for both of you. 

I would kindly suggest that you make a list of the reasons you would like to work or have a career. You may wish to highlight how it could add to the marriage and family situation.

Also you may wish to learn about and include examples of other Muslim women who had/have careers and experienced success in both business and family such as Khadijah, our beloved prophet’s wife (PBUH).


As salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to us. As I understand your situation you have a fiancé and he has issues with you working after marriage. As you have written about this concern, it must be with your intent to work after marriage. 

Marriage and Working 

This is a dilemma that many couples face. According to Islam, a woman may work.  A woman/wife who works may keep all of her income from her work. That money belongs to her not her husband.

If she so chooses to pay bills or spend her money which she earns on the household or things needed, then it is a blessing for both the wife and the husband.

AboutIslam (1) states that “What also does not fall under a wife’s responsibilities is earning anything towards household expenses. For women in salaried jobs or entrepreneurial pursuits, their income is theirs to keep for themselves.”

Fiance Doesn't Want Me to Work After Marriage - About Islam

Finding Reasons of Resistance 

If you would like to work after marriage and your fiancé is against it, it may be due to cultural or personal reasons. I kindly suggest that when things are calm that you sit down and talk with your fiancé about his reasons that he does not want you to work.

There can be many reasons why a man does not want his wife to work. These reasons may include culture, desiring control over all finances, it may make him feel less of a man and less of a provider, he may fear that his wife may meet someone else and cheat on him- which is really trust issues and insecurities.

On the other hand, he may genuinely be worried about her safety, or he may want her to focus on taking care of the house and children they may have in the future. A husband may feel that having a job or a career is a distraction.  

Why Muslim Women Work

The reasons why Muslim women may want to work are varied and the benefits are numerous! Benefits include accumulation of wealth, assistance for taking care of her parent’s needs, ability to give sadaqah, desire to contribute to society, the ability to share her expertise and knowledge to benefit others, personal satisfaction, and so on. For the full list and inspiring discussion sister please see (2). 


Check out this counseling video:


Women’s Right within Marriage 

A husband and a wife have rights within a marriage. Both Muslim men and Muslim women have rights within Islam as individuals as well. Women’s rights are abundant and explained fully. As your rights are detailed, please see these two articles for a more in depth discussion (1) and (3). 

Making a List and Learning about Successful Women who Work 

I would kindly suggest that you make a list of the reasons you would like to work or have a career. You may wish to highlight how it could add to the marriage and family situation.

Also you may wish to learn about and include examples of other Muslim women who had/have careers and experienced success in both business and family such as Khadijah, our beloved prophet’s wife (PBUH). You may write down  points and supports from the Qur’an and reputable Hadiths as examples. 

Seeking Allah’s Blessings

When you speak with your husband it will be important that you both listen to one another without judgment. It will be important in sha Allah to listen to each other’s viewpoints with an understanding heart and mind.

To seek Allah’s blessings and mercy regarding the issue, you may wish to pray together before initiating the conversation. It sounds as if this is one of the first issues that you are facing with a future marriage. Praying for Allah’s guidance and mercy before discussing an issue is a good precedence to set for your marriage. 

Conclusion

In sha Allah you both will be able to resolve this successfully and that will set the stage for future conflicts and discrepancies the two of you may have. In sha Allah you will be able to discuss with your husband why you would like to work and he will be able to explain why he doesn’t want you to and you both will help each other to understand viewpoints and come to a compromise or a decision that is agreeable and happy for both of you. We wish you the best.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

 https://aboutislam.net/family-life/gender-society/6-hidden-abuses-of-muslim-womens-rights/

10 Answers to “Why Should Muslim Women Work?”

 https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/wife-obligated-cook-clean/ 

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.