Is this way of thinking an accurate understanding of what Allah expects from me? How should I deal with this fear and religious anxiety while still fulfilling my obligations and avoiding genuinely haram things? And does enjoying permissible/ordinary aspects of life mean that my iman is low?
Recently, I was reading Islamic Q&A posts and came across an answer saying that watching movies indicates low iman. This caused me extreme distress, and I ended up repeatedly searching whether different things are haram, for hours. I became so overwhelmed that I was constantly crying throughout the day randomly. It has gotten to a point where I’m constantly thinking about whether I’m sinning. Even if I’m just sitting around and doing nothing.
I don’t want to hate Islam or distance myself from Allah. I actually want Allah to love me and help me, but I feel as though every step I take is wrong and that whatever I do will never be enough.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- You can enjoy life and ordinary things, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not an indication of weak iman.
- Seek mental health support. These high expectations, together with the constant worry about whether you are good enough, may be part of a broader pattern.
Assalamu alaykom, dear sister,
Thank you for your question.
You say that you are dealing with several forms of religious anxiety related to your performance and worship, and that you are not sure whether you can enjoy ordinary things in life. You feel that if you do, it might be an indication that your faith or iman is weak.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It is actually a common struggle for many people. Unfortunately, online content, such as the video you saw, which may consist of short clips taken out of context, can sometimes create a lot of confusion for people like you.
You can enjoy life and ordinary things, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not an indication of weak iman.
Religion should not be something that makes us constantly hard on ourselves. We need to find a balance between being overly permissive and being overly fearful. We should trust in Allah’s mercy, but we should also be conscious of our accountability. There needs to be a balance.
Being religious is not about spending the whole day worrying that you have done something wrong.
If you find yourself in this situation, it may have something to do with internal expectations or external expectations that you have internalised over the years.
This is something worth exploring, and I think it would be helpful to seek mental health support. These high expectations, together with the constant worry about whether you are good enough, may be part of a broader pattern. I’m not sure whether you experience this in other areas of your life as well.
With the help of a counsellor, you could explore this further and restructure your perception of what constitutes realistic expectations, as well as how these expectations are connected to your self-worth, lovability, and capabilities.
So, please consider seeking counselling and remember that you are doing enough.
Remember, we are advised to be moderate and avoid extremes in either direction. You can relax while keeping spirituality at the centre of your life and maintaining your worship, without overdoing it.
I hope this helps.
