Answer
In this counseling answer:
“The answer lies within yourself, and whatever you do, do not accuse her of anything, especially if you do not have evidence.”
As-Salamu `Alaikum Brother,
Thank you for sending us your question. It seems you are not at ease with yourself regarding your second wife. You feel that she may be somehow involved or interested to be involved with another man; however, you do not have any evidence to prove these feelings of yours to be true. The answer lies within yourself, and whatever you do, do not accuse her of anything, especially if you do not have evidence.
I do not have a lot of information regarding the quality of both your marriages and your emotional history, so when I answer your question, I am answering it in broad terms.
It looks like you are almost twenty years older than your second wife. I do not know how the cultural practices are in Nigeria, but if we speak from a generally Western point-of-view, twenty years is considered to be a large age difference and is generally looked down upon.
Nowadays, a lot of cultures around the world are adopting this way of thinking. As a result, because you are twenty years older than your wife, you might consciously or unconsciously think that she has this way of thinking and may not look at you as a compatible husband.
You, however, do not know for sure if she thinks that way and may be reluctant to ask her or to talk about it out of fear of appearing vulnerable or for whatever other reason. So your fear of the unknown is causing you this anxiety.
My advice to you would be to spend more quality time with your second wife (keeping in mind that you have to be equal with the amount of time spent with both your wives). Get to know what she likes and dislikes and what she enjoys and does not enjoy. What qualities does she like in a friend, and most importantly, a husband? What attracted her to marry you in the first place? Is she satisfied with you as a husband?
If you form a strong relationship with your wife, then you will feel closer to her and will share your thoughts and feelings with her and her to you. Once your bond is strong, your anxieties would most likely subside.
I ask Allah to help you through your fears and to grant you success.
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more:
“I Won’t Let My Husband Have a Second Wife!”