The reason is that I was not working hard on education and other things, but instead I was doing little things to get by. Now I realized that I have wasted my time. Now I have stopped escaping from reality and have repented.
I have started a new journey from here. Concentrating on education. I am scared and worried thinking that I wasted my time. Now I am starting a step late. I will not become anything.
The thought that comes to my mind is that, the place where I am now(starting a new journey), is it already written? If my repentance is written? Is what I will become written? ( I understand nobody knows the future except Allah).
I hope you understand my question, please help.
Answer
In this counseling session:
- Do not be too harsh on yourself, brother. Until the age of 25, at least, the majority of people are trying to find their self and their career path. Very little who know already in high school and their early 20’s what they will do in their life.
- It is because we live at a time where you can literally do and be whatever you wish to be – unlike old times. And with such freedom often comes confusion: what do I desire exactly? What am I really good at? Too many choices, what shall we choose? It is tough.
Salam Aleikom,
Thank you for sharing with us your concerns.
Oh, dear brother, if you only knew how many people in your age feel the same way you do!
“Most former college students say they would change either their major, college attended or credential pursued if they could do it all over again, survey finds.” (Insight Highered)
“A meta-analysis of 11 regret ranking studies revealed that the top six biggest regrets in life center on (in descending order) education, career, romance, parenting, the self, and leisure.” (NCBI)
So, do not be too harsh on yourself, brother. Until the age of 25, at least, the majority of people are trying to find their self and their career path.
Very little who know already in high school and their early 20s what they will do in their life.
As a result, students shift majors, postpone their studies, spend some years working or travelling, or start college but never receive their diploma.
I would say it is completely normal.
Check out this counseling video:
It is because we live at a time where you can literally do and be whatever you wish to be – unlike old times.
And with such freedom often comes confusion: what do I desire exactly? What am I really good at? Too many choices, what shall we choose? It is tough.
You have not told us much about your circumstances, therefore it is hard to provide you with a deeper answer, yet I assume two scenarios why you feel the way you currently do.
Scenarios
1, You have enrolled into a major you do not like.
Although students will always have subjects they might not like at the university, it is important that you study something that overall interests you.
You cannot study to be a doctor when you can’t stand seeing blood or when you are more into grammar and literature. You get my point?
So many people are making shifts in career.
“About 75% of Americans have changed careers at least once, and about 33% are currently thinking about it.
Finding your perfect career won’t happen overnight, and it may take time to really find the right trajectory for you.”
So if you feel this is your problem, maybe This Forbes article can help you find your call.
2. Other circumstances – such as family or marriage issues – grab your attention and therefore make you unable to focus on your studies.
Family conflicts, financial issues, a new love or else could all result in feeling demotivated and thus affect your studies.
You need to deal with that distractive thing to regain your focus on studying.
Depression
I am also concerned that you said you feel depressed. Is it an officially diagnosed depression or you just feel blue sometimes?
If your low mood lasts for days, weeks, or you feel undeceived and confused for a long period, I sincerely advise you to seek help from a professional counselor with a one to one therapy. A school counselor, a psychologist can help you.
Clinical depression is no joke. It is as dangerous as cancer or any physical illness. I have witnessed people, unfortunately, that have ruined their life because of untreated depression.
So please brother, take your feelings seriously and if any time you feel finding peace and self-confidence in your decisions is hard, then seek the help of a professional before it gets worse.
Have you talked to your family about your feelings? Maybe a sincere talk with your mother, your dad or even your siblings can solve your doubts.
Find Your Call
Brother, unfortunately, we learn many interesting and useful stuff at school.
However, school oftentimes does not teach us properly the most important skills: such as self-awareness.
To feel confident and happy, you need to understand the reasons behind your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Therefore, I strongly suggest you start reading articles and books on self-awareness and human psychology.
It is fascinating and very important. You will find many tips.
One of the essential steps I invite you to do is collecting your strengths and weaknesses.
Get a piece of paper and write down what you feel you are good at, and what are the things you may be weaker but you want to develop.
You may ask your family and friends as well about what they think of you, what they admire about you.
Another task you can do is drawing your idealistic life. What do you dream of? Be as specific as you can be.
What do you hear and see when you imagine your dream life? Your dream career? See it in front of you.
Now take a step and collect what you need to make it happen. At the end, look at both of your lists from an objective viewpoint. Are you satisfied?
Are you motivated to achieve this dream? Have you collected all your needs, or maybe something is missing.
Maybe you still have some doubts about one point or the other. If so, see what else you need to remove these doubts.
Look at your situation from another perspective
Brother, every negative feeling and behavior has a reason they exist in your heart. You said you wasted your time. You were not studying much. What does this behavior want to convey to you?
Maybe that you are on the wrong path, you should not study this? Maybe that you first need to solve another issue that troubles you in order to be able to focus?
Question yourself what is going on deep inside you. What has made you do this?
If you can list this, if you can believe that everything that’s happening to us has a reason, then you will no longer feel you wasted your time.
It is all Allah’s plans anyway as nothing happens without His permission. As long as you work on staying close to Him, He will never harm you.
He may give you things that you do not like, you do not understand, or even that make you feel upset or sad for a while, but always have the assumption that it is good for you.
You learn and become a better, a wiser person by the experience – if you have this positive attitude towards life.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 59:
59 With Him (Allah) are the keys of the unseen; the treasures that none Knows but He! He Knows whatever there is on the earth and in the sea. Not a leaf doth fall but with His Knowledge: there is not a grain in the darkness (or depths) of the earth, nor anything fresh or dry, but is (inscribed) in a Record Clear (with Him).
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 9 Surah Taubah verse 51:
Say: “Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our Protector”; and on Allah let the believers put their trust.
Brother, everything we do is part of our learning process.
We always learn something about ourselves, our boundaries, our abilities, wishes, weaknesses, or about others. What have YOU learned?
You said “I will not become anything.” You are only 23. Such a cliché, but the whole world is yours.
You have not missed anything. You can still be whatever you wish to be.
Compare
Unfortunately, we live at a time when comparison to others is part of our everyday life.
We just scroll down on Facebook and feel in 2 minutes that we are the biggest losers of this world.
Everyone seems so successful, cheerful, experienced. They have so much fun, and look at me.
Do not fall into the trap, brother. Compare yourself to your own self always, or compare to others who are less fortunate than you.
I do know this feeling you feel now. For me, watching or reading stories of people who have become successful in their later years, or people who discontinued university to achieve something big, who have suffered a lot that helped them find their calling, these stories I find them so inspiring. Maybe you can search for some, too.
What is success anyway? As Muslims, in our life what success is that we live each day in the submission to Allah.
We do our part, we work and struggle. Whether we finish or not does not matter; Allah cares about the process, not the result.
I hope I could ease some of your pain, dear brother,
Salam,
***
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