Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Suggest that the parents keep their child with them at all times when they are in your home. If he is going to play with the other children, one of the parents must always be present with the four-year-old, at least until he changes his behavior.
•We strongly suggest that you take the direct approach and talk to these parents instead of going through another set of relatives. It is best that you contain the problem and only address it with those who are able to do something about it.
As-Salamu `Alaykum,
Basically, your challenge is not how to deal with your nephew; your challenge is how to confront his parents. You need to talk to his parents and keep focused on the issues at hand. You are not to judge their ability to be good parents, nor are you to touch upon any other aspect of their marriage or their family life.
You are also not to make generalizations about the four-year-old. Your concern is your nephew’s behavior while he is in your home. Let the parents know that the reason you are bringing this up is because, as the host, you want to be able to serve your guests well and not be distracted by having to attend to your child because he is always being hit.
In addition, let them know that it is a poor reflection on you if your other guests’ children are also being hit or scratched by your nephew in your own home. No four-year-old child is going to understand the complexities of hitting or not hitting a relative as opposed to a stranger. Hitting anyone should not be tolerated at the age of four—or at any other age.
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So, suggest that the parents keep their child with them at all times when they are in your home. If he is going to play with the other children, one of the parents must always be present with the four-year-old, at least until he changes his behavior.
Tell them clearly that despite being your relatives, you have to bring this up to them before it gets to a point that no one else will accept your invitation if they know this four-year-old is going to be there.
We strongly suggest that you take the direct approach and talk to these parents instead of going through another set of relatives. It is best that you contain the problem and only address it with those who are able to do something about it.
Talk about it with them as if it is a collective problem that all of you are affected by and therefore all of you should deal with, instead of making it seem that you are blaming them and leaving them alone to handle this problem. We make du`aa’ (supplication) that you resolve this issue soon.
Allah knows best.
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