Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Keep on thanking Allah (swt) for what He has bestowed and try looking at the positives in your life. This will help you overcome your fears.”
Dear Sister,
The institution of marriage in Islam serves the purpose of family. However, the ideals set by the society often make individuals judge their outer appearance enabling them to perceive others on the basis of looks. Islam signifies the importance of trait and character especially while looking for a spouse.
Your concern is justifiable. However, you have presented a very vague image of the problem you are currently facing in relation to your body. If it is weight, it is an apparent feature. I would like to know further about what is affecting you. If it is a medical issue, you should consult a doctor. Whatever it is, I am sure it can be treated before you step into your new life. Think again. There will be some possible solutions present that you are unable to consider. Have you tried talking to someone you trust? Maybe that person can help you with this dilemma.
There is no point hiding a reality from your to-be spouse because things can worsen if discovered late. This will be considered as a lie and deceit. For this reason, try treating your problem and once it is done there is no harm in telling your spouse that you suffered from an issue that has been already resolved. The internet, library, an elderly, a therapist and a doctor are some of the sources that can be of great help. Even is your issue is not resolved, you can always talk to the other person without having doubts and believing in self-judgments.
Being shy is not a big issue. You need to trust yourself and be confident with what you are and with what you possess. As you mentioned that you are blessed with attractive features and a kind heart, I don’t think there is anything missing from you. Stop feeling that way. Be confident about your body. If you are going through a problem, take it as Allah’s test and live up to it. Allah says in the Holy Quran that:
“And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the patient, Who says, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”: They are those on whom (descend) Blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.” (2:155-157)
Don’t feel shy. Don’t complain. Keep on thanking Allah (swt) for what He has bestowed and try looking at the positives in your life. This will help you overcome your fears. Acknowledge your attributes and understand that no one is perfect. You can participate in different activities, mingle with people, exercise and dwell yourself in several positive thinking exercises that will boost self-confidence.
Here are some tips that will help you, in sha’Allah:
Surround yourself with positive people who encourage you and make you feel good.
See yourself in a positive light. Maintain a log where you list down things under the statement; ‘Things I like about myself include…’
Exercise on a daily basis
Start concentrating on your achievements (list them)
Stop the negative self-talks and start taking things in a constructive manner; instead of saying “I hate myself because this dress makes me look fat”, try picking up something that will enhance your features because you just mentioned that you are lucky to have a pretty face!
Pick up a body part that you adore like your shoulders or your hands. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it aloud; ‘I love the shape of my arms’.
Change your ‘body image’ talks with friends. If they point out the extra fat, try shaping your conversations about how important the friendship is.
Consider your worth and live up to it.
Trust Allah (swt), sister, and everything will be fine, in sha’ Allah.
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more:
