Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Getting closer to Allah (swt) is a journey that would need many steps to be accomplished. We would never be able to take all the steps in one leap. If we try to do so, we will feel the journey is so difficult, and we will be frustrated and might even think of not continuing. However, if we take this journey one step at a time, smoothly and gradually but with steadiness and persistence, we will be always moving forward, enjoying our journey and our achievement of getting closer and closer to our goal, in sha’ Allah.”
As-Salamu `Alaikum dear young lady,
I am full of pride with you young Muslimah! Although your family is not practicing and your father, who taught you about Islam, is not living with you, you are still doing much effort in trying to abide by the teachings of Islam and getting closer to Allah (swt). You always pray Fajr ma sha’ Allah which is a difficult ‘ibadah that many Muslims are not able to keep up with. You don’t eat much so as to keep away from un-halal food. You pray alone in your room, although your family doesn’t pray together. Furthermore, you are not limiting the goodness to yourself; you are extending it to other people through your da’wah on the internet.
It is such a pride that Allah (swt) chose you and gave you this privilege of spreading His word and being one of His soldiers on Earth. Above all this, you have a sincere intention and willingness to get closer to Allah (swt). Keep it up, my darling. You are such a great example for young Muslims. May Allah (swt) accept all your efforts and your diligence in getting closer to Him and reward you greatly here and in the hereafter, amen.
Although I can still feel how painful and devastating it could be to be living with the feelings of guilt, depression, and fear that Allah (swt) does not accept your prayers. How frustrating it could be to have negative thoughts like that you are low in iman, not a proper Muslimah, an idiot and a hypocrite. Don’t you think you are being so harsh on yourself?
On the other hand, have you thought of Allah’s names like Ar-Raheem (the Most Merciful), Al-Lateef (The One who is kind to His slaves and endows upon them), Al-Khabir (the One who knows the truth of things), Al-Ghafoor (the One who forgives a lot), Ash-Shakoor (The Grateful, The Appreciative, The One who gives a lot of reward for a little obedience)?
Getting closer to Allah (swt) is a journey that would need many steps to be accomplished. We would never be able to take all the steps in one leap. If we try to do so, we will feel the journey is so difficult, and we will be frustrated and might even think of not continuing. However, if we take this journey one step at a time, smoothly and gradually but with steadiness and persistence, we will be always moving forward, enjoying our journey and our achievement of getting closer and closer to our goal, in sha’ Allah.
Thus, whatever small step you take toward Allah (swt), be happy and proud of it. This will give you the energy to take other steps forward. And in sha’ Allah, Allah (swt) would be happy and grateful for your small steps.
Allah (swt) says in Al Hadith Al Qudsi, “
“… and if he draws near Me by the span of a palm, I draw near him by a cubit, and if he draws near Me by a cubit I draw near him by the space (covered by) two arms. And if he walks towards Me, I rush towards him.” (Sahih Muslim)
Now, another very important aspect that I believe would be helpful for you to ponder about is your relation with your parents, their divorce and how this affected you, and how you felt about it. Also, not seeing your father for this long period of time; how do you feel about it, and how is it affecting you? And how is your relation with your mother and other family members? Are you getting emotional support from your mother or from any other persons? All these aspects are very important to think about and see how they are affecting you.
Parents’ divorce is a huge thing that is most probable to cause feelings of depression, weakness and feeling low of oneself, especially if you are so young. Also, not seeing your father for this long period of time is another big issue that is sure to affect you negatively. What is the reason that you are not able to see your father for this long period of time? Aren’t there any other means of contacting him (phone, internet)? Can’t there be some arrangement for seeing him or staying with him for some time?
In addition, if you don’t have good relations with your mother and other family members, and you don’t have emotional support from them, this is surely something that has great negative impacts on your emotional well being.
Do you have good, supportive friends? Do you get emotional support from any source other than family and friends?
I need you to think about all these questions deeply and to write your feelings and thoughts about them. I believe it would be very helpful if you sought professional help and support of a counselor. A counselor would be a very good emotional support for you and will take you step by step in finding your way.
I pray Allah (swt) I have been able to help you in some way, and I would be very happy to hear from you again.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more:
