Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu `Alaikum dear brother,
Answering your questions, It is not your responsibility that she becomes interested in Islam; your responsibility is only to show her what Islam really is whether through direct speech or your actions and interactions and real-life situations in which you act upon the teachings of Islam. Allah says in the Holy Qur`an:
“Not upon the Messenger is [responsibility] except [for] notification. And Allah knows whatever you reveal and whatever you conceal.” (5:99)
It is her responsibility now after you have guided her, that she thinks about it and chooses what she really believes in, but choosing Islam just for the sake of getting married to you is incorrect.
As for the decision of marrying her, marriage is a serious and delicate issue, especially in Islam where it is of utmost importance in building the main unit of an Islamic community – the family. It is of utmost importance for the individual in helping him lead a healthy and fulfilling life, in taking the right path to Allah, and in the well-being of the community as a whole. From your words, it is clear you know the factors that should be considered in choosing the right spouse and hence having a happy marriage, a happy family and life. Factors include a good level of understanding and communication, compatibility in the way you think and lead your life, the way you think about religion and deal with it, your interests, your goals, your dreams, your priorities, etc. It is also clear that considering those factors, you almost feel you both are not compatible with each other; you have problems in understanding each other, you don’t feel you really have feelings for her, and you have differences in character and in your line of thought and religion.
Thus, the only reason you are considering this marriage is that you fear you might be breaking your promise with her and hence you might be held responsible for her not having an interest in Islam. Although, I don’t really know what exactly your promise was as you haven’t stated it clearly in your question, I believe it was an agreement made between both of you to get to know each other and see if you both can continue your life together (while she is making efforts to know about Islam to become a Muslim, in sha’Allah). This is an agreement that is normally done between any two individuals thinking about getting married. It tacitly implies that after getting to know each other, one or both parts may come to a conclusion that this marriage would not be suitable for them and that they would not be happy together, therefore they both agree to end this relationship. This is the wisdom of the engagement period between any two people thinking about marriage.
On the other hand, it is your responsibility to choose the right person for marriage in order to build a successful family. It is your responsibility to choose the right mother for your children who would bring up good Muslim children. Also, you have a responsibility in modeling a good Muslim for that lady; hence, if you agree to marry her while you don’t really love her or don’t think she is suitable for you, you will be doing her great harm as she might be hurt in the future. If you continue on with your life, you will not be able to be a good husband for her; you won’t be able to give her what she needs or might end the marriage. Hence, it is your responsibility, to be honest with her in order to show her how good Muslim deals honestly with others.
I believe that your plan to meet in real life would give you a good opportunity to discuss all the above issues clearly and honestly. Take this opportunity to open up and talk about all the points and concerns you have in all aspects of your relationship. This would be a healthy, respectable conversation and one that would convey the right image of a Muslim. Through such a face to face conversation in which you open all files and discuss all points, you and she would have the chance to clarify the points that might be unclear to both of you about each other’s lives and personalities. You may both reach a conclusion that you are not compatible with each other, or you might find you still need to give each other a chance to know more about each other.
Talking in person and face to face (within the framework of what Islam allows, of course) is an efficient way of communication, unlike online conversations and relationships which are never a good way of really knowing people and communicating with them. Another good side of this real life conversation is that if you reach the final decision that you will not be able to continue with her, it would be much better to explain this to her in person and not via online conversation. You will be able to convey this to her in a more appropriate manner and in a way where she gets the chance to convey her point of view, too.
I pray Allah I have been able to touch upon the points you needed help with and that you will be able to take the right decision in this situation in different situations of your life. Feel free to send us back if you need further help.
Salams,
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