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I Left College for Her Sake; Then She Left Me

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Nov 20, 2017

Question

Last year, I fell in love with a good Muslim girl. We did not do anything wrong; rather, we had a good intention of marrying. Since I was a university student and had no means to support myself, we decided that I drop out of school and find a job to support us then approach her parents. We had been doing fine, but suddenly last week she changed; she has become so mean to me and accepted a proposal of a man she didn’t even know. She has changed so suddenly while she was a very good Muslim girl. I don't know what to do since I have already dropped university for her. I am aggrieved for the injustice which has been done to me, and I do not know what I should do to win her back since few people who know about us suggest that she has been under the influence of dark magic.

Counselor

Answer


I Left College for Her Sake; Then She Left Me

As-Salamu `Alaikum Brother, 

Falling in love before marriage often results in such emotional roller coasters and disasters. But, unfortunately, love just happens. What needs to be done is to carefully consider all the probabilities of bringing this love as quickly as possible into the realm of halal and legitimate relationship. Until then patiently pray to Allah (swt) to protect you both from falling prey to the evil of your nafs (soul) and Shaitan.

Now, in your case, the young lady no longer wants to marry you and has accepted the proposal of another man. I don’t know what emotional and family circumstances have she chosen to do so, but it is important for you to understand that:

1) Relationships can only work two ways.

2) Regardless of how much you love her, if she does not want to be married to you, you have two choices: either to sulk and feel sorry for yourself and be angry at her, or count your blessings and move on. It is better now that she dropped you rather than after marriage, isn’t it?

I know it is easy for me to say this, but it would be difficult for you to do because of the intensity of your emotions. But, ultimately, this is what would help you put back on the path. Hopefully, it will mature you and give you wisdom for the future.

Get up, pack up, and move on. There is nothing you can do about the spilt milk, and it is not wise to insist that you only want to lick back the split milk.

May Allah help you!

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About Atia Zaidi

Attia Zaidi is a writer, educator, social worker and mother. She has worked with the GTA's Muslim community for over 15 years in various capacities. Currently, Attia runs a small private practice offering therapy for Muslim families.

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