Me and their father give them lots of attention. I also provide them with many types of learning toys, video games, and overall toys just for enjoyment.
I take them to the park to play with other kids as well. Sometimes, we do yell at the girls if they get out of hand.
I wonder why the girls get hyper or are fighting! Is it because they feel too boxed in having too much time at home or have we as parents taught them this behavior?
Is that possible? I wonder what will be they like when they are teenagers if they continue with the same type of behavior. Any advice? Thanks for your help and service.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•I would kindly suggest separating them when they do fight (especially if it gets physical) and take away a privilege such as not playing a video game for a period of time.
•I would also talk to them both about the importance of getting along and the negative effects of fighting, and make them apologize to the one they offended/hurt
•For instance, instead of lashing out by yelling or hitting, teach them to restrain themselves by giving them an alternative expression of anger such as counting, walking away, taking time out, or redirecting the anger into another activity such as exercise, writing, or talking with you when they feel anger bubbling up.
•Read to them examples of unsavory behaviors between siblings and family and the results. I would suggest reading them the story of Yusuf. It is a powerful reminder.
As-salamu alaykum,
Thank you for writing in with your most important issue. While you did not state how old the children are, fighting amongst siblings is a common complaint of many parents. Sister, you sound like wonderful parents, with normal children!
I would kindly suggest separating them when they do fight (especially if it gets physical) and take away a privilege such as not playing a video game for a period of time.
I would also talk to them both about the importance of getting along and the negative effects of fighting, and make them apologize to the one they offended/hurt.
Keeping them accountable for their negative behaviors by having them take responsibility for their actions, having a negative consequence and apologizing should be done on a consistent basis. Also, teach your children coping skills for when they feel angry.
For instance, instead of lashing out by yelling or hitting, teach them to restrain themselves by giving them an alternative expression of anger such as counting, walking away, taking a time out, or redirecting the anger into another activity such as exercise, writing, or talking with you when they feel anger bubbling up.
All of this is of course age-dependent and the skills you teach should be age-appropriate. It will take time and energy on your part, but they will soon insha’Allah learn better behaviors.
Read to them examples of unsavory behaviors between siblings and family and the results. I would suggest reading the story of Yusuf. It is a powerful reminder.
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Give them examples of how our beloved Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) treated his family members and how Allah SWT orders us to be kind to one another and to especially cherish family.
While it may take some time for these behaviors to cease, insha’Allah they will. It is kind of like living through the “terrible two’s” when children are seeking to exert kind of like living through the “terrible two’s” when children are seeking to exert their independence through opposition to authority.
You will get through this and insha’Allah your children will be fine! Keep in prayer, make duaa to Allah that He grant ease for you and your family.
We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.
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