Answer
Salam Dear Jessy,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
Let us start with that feeling you have that something is holding you back.
Muslims believe that Islam is the natural religion of mankind and that it has existed since the beginning of time. They believe that all people come into this world with a natural disposition to believe that there is a God.
People are not born Christian or Jew, but become so by the action of their parents. Islam, on the other hand, believes that its message is a natural part of what human beings are.
To put it very simply, Islam can be summed up in two phrases: there is a God; and that God speaks to His Creation. This is the essence of Islam. All the rest is to help us understand and live that message.
Those new to Islam (and many born to Islam as well) need to distinguish between what is from Islam and what is cultural. In calling someone to be Muslim, Allah Almighty doesn’t require that they become Arab or Pakistani also.
Unfortunately, though, much of the Arab and Pakistani culture has been mistaken for Islam. No amount of pressure from others must make you feel that you have to be anything other than the person you are.
When you declared Shahadah, you declared that there is nothing worthy of worship except the one God in heaven and that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the last in a long line of Prophets sent by that One God to speak to His Creation.
Another very important thing about Islam is that it is eminently sensible. Islam makes sense. It makes sense that there is a God and it makes sense that God is in touch with His Creation, telling us how best to live our lives.
After all, as Creator, He knows far better than we do what is good for us and what is harmful to us. As well as being sensible, Islam is very simple, although as Muslims we have made it seem so very complicated.
Rules and regulations are not an end in themselves. They exist to help us be better people. If they are not helping us to be better, we need to re-examine our understanding and the way we behave.
At the end of the day, a Muslim bows down before His Creator and admits that without Him all his efforts will come to nothing. Without Almighty God, Allah, we can’t even breathe or wake up in the morning. These are the things we need to remind ourselves of.
If you are finding it difficult to be Muslim, give yourself time to re-think those first days when you first accepted Islam. Disregard what others are telling you about how you should feel. Just try to pray two rakah on your own, away from anyone else, and tell Allah how you feel. Ask Him to help you and let you understand the Islam He called you to.
So often, even the best intentions of others are not helpful and they serve only to confuse us. Maybe you didn’t receive much helpful information at the beginning, so your understanding of Islam is still very limited.
However, don’t blame yourself for this. If you don’t know or you don’t understand, you are not to be blamed for not understanding. The fact that you have visited a website like About Islam and that you have submitted this question means that there is something there within you wanting to know more.
Give yourself another chance. Start to look, for example, at what About Islam teaches about the different things in Islam. Take your time and don’t rush. Above all, try to return to prayer. None of this is to please others, but it is between you and Allah Alone.
Try slowly to return to a pattern of praying five times a day. In doing so, your day will take on a different aspect altogether, but if it is difficult at first, take small steps to arrive at where you want to be.
Look at a few verses of the Quran and ponder on what they might mean for you. Take time to think about your Creator and ask yourself why He might have wanted you to be Muslim in the first place.
I always tell people that Islam is beautiful, gentle and sweet. If people do not see this then they have not seen the real Islam. The real Islam dawned upon the Arabian Peninsula fourteen centuries ago to set people free.
The beauty of its message was enough to make grown men weep. Allow the real Islam to come into your heart and your mind, by giving it time. Just like a new plant, your faith needs to be nourished or it can’t survive and grow.
Insha’Allah (God willing), by giving yourself a second chance you will be responding once more to Allah’s Call. May He make the path straight for you. Ameen.
I hope this helps address your concerns.
Salam and please keep in touch.