Walaikum Asalam,

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. First of all, we should never ever define ourselves by our sins. People are redeemable. Allah is the Most Forgiving. No matter what, your sin cannot compare to Allah’s forgiveness.

And if you really examine your situation, and indeed the situation of humankind, you might come to understand that leaving Islam does not solve your problem, because leaving Islam does not absolve you from accountability. No matter what, you (and indeed all of us) will still be accountable on the Day of Judgement. In fact, if you abandon your faith so that you can sin, you are committing two sins. The sin you have in mind and the most grave of all sins, disbelief.  

So you need to ask yourself, do you really disbelieve? Do you truly not believe in your Creator and Sustainer because you have a desire to do the haram? Or is it just that you want to feel free from the guilt of the sin you feel compelled to commit? If it is just that you cannot keep away from the sin, then you should know that as long as you are a Muslim who does not associate partners with Allah, the doors of forgiveness and mercy are wide open. Allah does not expect us to be perfect. He knows we are flawed. He created us that way so that we would turn to Him for forgiveness. In fact, Allah loves the flawed servant who turns to Him in repentance. 

There are many, many Muslims who have been in your position. In fact there was a companion of the Prophet (PBUH) who was an alcoholic and he just could not give up drinking. Do you think the Prophet told him that he couldn’t be a Muslim? No. The Prophet said that even though this companion of his couldn’t give up the sin of drinking, he still loved Allah and His messenger i.e. was a Muslim. The Prophet even defended him when others tried to curse him for his sin of drinking.

As long as you are trying to do your best to stay away from sinning and seek Allah’s forgiveness if you slip, Allah will forgive you. After the prophets, there is no such thing as a Muslim who is free from sin or free from the desire to commit sins. Also, do not think it is impossible to give up the sin you have an addiction to, with the help of Allah all things are possible. Stay on the path of Islam, seeking nearness to Allah through supplication, salah, fasting, and repentance, and Allah will strengthen you. I know this is a reality from personal experience.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch.

Salam.