SMS Messages Are Taking Me Too Far | About Islam
Home > Youth Q & A > SMS Messages Are Taking Me Too Far

SMS Messages Are Taking Me Too Far

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 06, 2019

Question

As-salamu `alaykum. I am currently involved in a relationship with a Muslimah through SMS messages. It has taken us far and I have just proposed to her through SMS. My worry is that I love her so much, but the feeling of getting married to her after being involved in a un-Islamic relationship (sending SMS messages) makes me feel it won’t last for long. Can I marry her? Please help me, I am in a dilemma. We know each other but we don’t talk about this issue when we meet.

Counselor

Answer


I am currently involved in a relationship with a Muslimah through SMS messages. It has taken us far and I have just proposed to her through SMS.

In this counseling answer:

• At times, trickery or deception is behind the online character; it is not uncommon for individuals to fantasize and misrepresent themselves.

• You should meet several times in the presence of a third person and to get to know each other well. It is likely that the women you meet in person will be different from the one that you communicate with digitally.

• Keep the boundaries of Islam when you are meeting someone for the purpose of marriage.


As-Salamu `Alaykum dear brother,

Thank you for coming to Aboutislam.net to help resolve your personal dilemma. You do not mention the length of your relationship with this Muslim sister to whom you have now proposed through SMS. You mention that you love her so much, but are worried that your chance of happiness is tainted by your SMS messaging and the un-Islamic nature of such a relationship. It seems that through your proposal to her you are seeking to make your relationship with her one that is halal. I would like to begin by commending you on your eagerness to abide by Islamic guidelines and teachings.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

My concern about your situation extends beyond the fact that such forms of communication between men and women are not accepted in Islam. I am concerned that you have sought marriage from a woman with whom you appear to be almost exclusively communicating digitally. Relationships born out of communications through devices like SMS, in which one cannot see and interact face-to-face, are difficult to sort out. Many times individuals play roles and take on characters that are not completely real. At times, trickery or deception is behind the online character; it is not uncommon for individuals to fantasize and misrepresent themselves.

As deep as your digital relationship has become, it is just that—a digital relationship. This does not mean that the feelings of love you express are not authentic or true to you; however, by expressing your desire to marry this Muslimah in the flesh, you are seeking to extend this digital relationship into a real one.

One wonders if there is enough in your relationship to extend from digital to real life. You noted that “we know each other but we don’t talk about this issue when we meet,” this is a statement that I find troubling because it seems as though there is a disconnection between your face-to-face relationship and the SMS relationship to the extent that there are issues you simply do not discuss when you meet.


In this counseling answer:


You ask in your question “can I marry her”? Certainly, you are free to marry whom you please, though I would recommend that if you are serious about marrying this sister, you should meet several times in the presence of a third person and to get to know each other well. It is likely that the women you meet in person will be different from the one that you communicate with digitally.

Since your life after marriage with this woman is not likely to take place on SMS, I would urge you to take this relationship to a halal and real-life level where you can clearly get to know each other. It is, to say the least, ineffective to fall in love and propose marriage through SMS because it is not real. SMS and other digital types of communications were intended for casual fun and not for intense, life-altering decisions.

I hope that you now have a clearer vision of where you are heading. I pray to Allah (swt) that you may achieve clarity and direction in your life.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Fell in Love with My Online Friend

Online Relationship: Does It Have a Future?

My Long Distance Relationship; Can It Work?




About Layla A. Asamarai

Layla A. Asamarai is an Iraqi American Muslim residing in the United States. She obtained her MA degree in clinical psychology and is currently perusing her PhD in clinical psychology. She is very interested in the psychological dilemmas that Muslim youth in America are faced with.

find out more!