Sometime later I suffered a trauma, I turned back to Islam after some period of heedlessness.
But instead of starting with speakers who taught mercy, I went to those who didn’t. But I fooled myself thinking THIS MUST BE REAL FAITH AS WHEN I HAD THE MERCIFUL OUTLOOK ON LIFE, I SINNED, THEREFORE , TRUE EMAAN IS FORCING MYSELF TO HIGH DEEDS, I knew deep down my old merciful outlook on life, I still hold on to that memory , but perhaps satan uses it to say in order to reach that peace and tranquility u must be hard on yourself. I know Islam has mercy but my old sins taunt me to say that I’m delusional and mercy and tranquility is not Islam.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- What one has to develop for a healthy imaan is the balance of love, hope, and fear of Allah.
- Choose someone who draws you closer to Allah, makes you feel like a better Muslim and a better person, and motivates you to strive for the deen with positivity.
- Take the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and learn about Allah trough His names and attributes.
Salam alaikom wa rahmatullah,
Thank you for writing. As I understand it, you came to believe that if “Islam” became too merciful and compassionate, it would become too permissible, making you prone to sin and leading you astray.
You say that you had a strong faith but still committed sins, and now you try to follow a stricter way of Islam and be hard on yourself to reach tranquility and peace. At the same time, it seems that you “suffer” from the arrogant way of imaan instead of the merciful one.
I am not a scholar but a counselor, and I try my best to answer your concern from a counselor’s point of view. At the same time, I encourage you to seek answers in our other section, Ask About Islam.
Focus on the Quran and on the Word of Allah
I think you have to focus on the Quran and what Allah says in it. This is something fixed and unchangeable, as these are the words of Allah (SWT).
As you mention, there are teachers, sheiks, etc., i.e., “humans,” each with their own personal approach to faith and spirituality. Some will emphasize certain elements, while others will focus on other teachings.
I am not talking about Quranic interpretations but about our attitude towards faith, which has to do with our personalities. But this is secondary, as what is important is what Allah says to us.
I think what one has to develop for a healthy imaan is the balance of love, hope, and fear of Allah.
He is The Loving One, Al-Wadud. You have to love Allah with your heart, putting all your trust in Him and in His guidance. Know that He also loves you and is there for you when you need it.
“If you should love Allāh, then follow me, [so] Allāh will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful.” (Quran 3:31)
You also need to fear Him. It means to be aware of his punishment, conscious about right and wrong, and try your best to avoid wrongdoing driven by your “fear” of Him.
“O you who have believed, fear Allāh as He should be feared…” (Quran 3:102)
And, to balance this fear, you also have to have hope in Him. Hope in His mercy and in His justice and forgiveness.
“And do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah, for no one loses hope in Allah’s mercy except those with no faith.” (Quran 12:87)
He knows what is in your heart and what your limits are in terms of achievements, and He certainly will forgive your shortcomings if you are sincere in your repentance:
“Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 39:53)
Too Much Fear
What happens when someone has too much fear and not enough hope? Your worship can be exactly how you describe it: arrogant and hard, as if it gives no room to human imperfection.
This can manifest in excessive worry about your mistakes and a kind of “arrogance” or judgmental attitude towards those who do not do everything perfectly.
Too Much Hope
And what if you have too much hope? Perhaps this is what you mean when you say that Islam’s compassionate and merciful way led you to “sin,” and you felt that it should not be right.
It means that one does not have enough God-consciousness (takwa) to stay away from sinning because one is too confident in the forgiveness and mercy of Allah. It can make you lazy in your worship, negligent, and certainly more prone to committing sins.
The Middle Path
I am sure, brother, that you see that the truth is on the golden middle path. Allah is All- Powerful but All-Merciful at the same time.
You have to push and strive to do your best in worship while not seeking perfection or having unrealistic expectations.
We all make mistakes, and this is a lifelong journey. Our imaan fluctuates up and down; no one can be high all the time.
If you push yourself too hard, you might get tired and burn out. It is better to stay on the middle ground and increase your knowledge and worship gradually.
This way, you also avoid the other extreme: being too negligent with your faith and your obligations and overlooking sins easily.
Who to Follow
I advise you to learn about Islam from reliable sources and from people whose knowledge you have sympathy for.
Choose someone who draws you closer to Allah, makes you feel like a better Muslim and a better person, and motivates you to strive for the deen with positivity.
On the other hand, it is better to avoid those whose words create hate, anger, negativity, and are judgemental.
Even if there is truth in their words, they can draw you farther from Allah if they focus on the criticism and negativity.
Apply this to your friends and companions also, whether in real life or on social media; choose them with the same criteria.
The Prophet (Peace be upon him)
Take the best example, the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
Learn about his seerah, and you will see that he was the kindest, most compassionate, but at the same time firmest person, and Allah was most pleased with him.
Try to follow his example and develop those traits he emphasized for us, believers.
Learn About Allah
Learn about Allah through His names and attributes. It will help you understand His power and the deen, and it will help you gain more taqwa in your daily actions. Check this series, for example: Beautiful Names of Allah: Explanation of the Name Allah
I hope these tips will help you,
May Allah help you find peace and comfort in the religion,
More from Orsolya ilham O.:
- Lost Faith in Allah and His Plan, Help!
- I Love Him; How to Make Him Fall in Love with Islam?
- Am I Depressed for ‘Unjust Rewards’ for Women In Paradise?
***
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.