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Tired of My Family’s Constant Reminders About My Posture

09 May, 2020
Q As-Salamu Alaikum. I am a 21-year-old girl with special needs who lives with her father’s family.

Since my childhood, my family has constantly been informing me that I should always stand up straight instead of bending my back.

To be frank, I am getting sick and tired of their constant reminders. I am an adult and I know myself better than anyone, except Allah.

I understand that it is not good to bend your back all the time because a person may walk like that for their rest of their life and or do surgery.

Could you please tell me on what I should do with this issue of mine? I do not always notice that I will bend my back.

However, I WILL notice if my body begins to ache. When this happens, I immediately will do everything I can to eliminate the ache.

My family is the only ones who constantly give me headaches of this, which I hate and do not want them to remind me.

Others (including other relatives) who know that I have this issue tells me that I do stand up straight at times, and when I was little it was worse, but now it is not.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

By the time it aches it means that the muscles or bones or both are being negatively affected.

As you are an adult now, perhaps you may want to take the responsibility to look into preventative measures.

Please sit with your family members and calmly and lovingly express your appreciation for their concern.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us with your most important concerns. I am sorry to hear that your family is always reminding you to stand up straight, but I can assure you they are saying it because they are concerned and love you dearly as you already know.

When we love someone, we want to see them safe, healthy and doing things that are productive for their bodies, minds, and spirituality. In your case, the issue surrounds your posture.

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As you stated, you are now an adult; you are grown and you know your body. It is my feeling that those who give constant reminders to stand up straight are ones who may have watched you grow from a little girl into a beautiful young woman.

It is these reminders from those who are close to us and have watched us grow up which are most difficult to deal with.

You stated that you do sometimes bend your posture and you do not notice it until it begins to ache. Perhaps, this is why they give reminders because, sister, by the time it aches it means that the muscles or bones or both are being negatively affected.

Over time this is not good, and I am sure you do not want complications from this such as surgery (as you mentioned).

Taking responsibility

As you are an adult now, perhaps you may want to take the responsibility to look into preventative measures. Such as maybe wearing a back brace, or a posture harness, or a bra that extends to your mid-back. Thus, helping you to remember to stand up straight.

Many people have poor posture and resort to back braces, extended upper garments (such as bra’s for ladies) to provide the extra support, so you are not alone in this issue.

My daughter used to hunch over a lot when she was a young teen. I did give her reminders to stand up straight as she did begin to develop a small “hunch” or rounding of the shoulders when even standing straight.

So yes, this issue is important, sister, but I am confident you can handle it on your own so that you will not suffer later on.

I would kindly suggest sister that you take it upon yourself to more actively seek a remedy to help you remember to stand straight and avoid future problems.


Check out this counseling video:


Express to family members

Secondly, in sha’ Allah, please sit with your family members and calmly and lovingly express your appreciation for their concern. But let them know that the reminders are irritating you and ask them to please stop.

Assure them (as they do love you and are concerned) that as you are an adult now. Also that you have decided to implement some techniques or devices to help you remember to stand up straight. You may or may not wish to share with them what is it, but of course, that is up to you.

You may hear reminders from time to time as it is normal human nature to want to help. Also, it may have become a habit after so many years, which may take some time to break.

However, when you yourself have corrected the situation, you will not hear any more reminders to stand up straight!

You are in our prayers. We wish you the best!

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/spirituality/that-is-how-allah-wants-us-to-care/

https://aboutislam.net/shariah/prophet-muhammad/a-mercy-for-all/the-prophets-care-for-children/

https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/understanding-islam/postures-of-muslim-prayer-explained/

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.