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I’m Worried About My Old Father

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 03, 2019

Question

My father is a diabetic patient. Nowadays, I am very worried about him. His blood sugar level is never normal. He never exercises and does not take care of himself at all.

I actually study psychology. I have tried many ways to convince him to take care of himself. My heart burns whenever I see him having any stress related to work.

He is now having blood pressure problems. He says that his blood pressure is normal according to his age, but I still worry and I tell him to go to the doctor. He refuses to go because he has a bad opinion of doctors and it is expensive as well.

I hear many people saying that their father suffers from liver cancer or kidney failure. I thank ALLAH ALMIGHTY that he has protected my father from this.

I want to ask the psychologist about what I should do to relieve his stress. To make him anxiety and tension free. To convince him to go to the doctor.

I want to ask the scholars what the du’aa’ is for parents to have a long and healthy life.

Counselor

Answer


I’m Worried About My Old Father - About Islam

In this counseling answer:

• When it comes to diabetes, there is no cure. There is a lifelong commitment to medications.

• I suggest that you put on a documentary at the time of his arrival at home about diabetes and watch.

• Purchase a few magazines about diabetes and place it on his night side table, or the dining table, or anywhere where he can skim it.

• Talk to your mother or sibling indirectly about diabetes or someone you know who suffered from health issues when your father is present.

• Consider asking your siblings and mom to make time for him once he comes back from work.

• Consult online resources for diabetes.

• You can ask Allah for your parent’s long and healthy life in any language, at any time.


Assalamu Alaikum dear brother,

I am sorry to hear of the health issues your father faces now in regards to diabetes.

I am very happy to hear that you are being a very responsible and concerned son. I found it uncommon these days to find a son at your age who prioritizes their parents’ health and expresses concern. However, I want you to not stress over this and ruin your health with the stress.

Educate your father indirectly

Dear brother, parents from India and Pakistan are not very active when it comes to being precautious. Indian and Pakistani parents have a hard time believing that external factors such as fatty food, unnecessary stress and unhappiness and lack of exercise are detrimental to their health.

I’m Worried About My Old Father - About Islam

In addition, Indian and Pakistani parents do not very understand or want to listen to their children when they are trying to convince to improve their lifestyle choices for better health.

When it comes to diabetes, there is no cure. There is a lifelong commitment to medications.

However, you need to realize that you are not the patient. Patients think differently. I personally believe that patients who do not take their medications seriously are the ones who never took their health and lifestyle choices seriously and, hence, will be subjected to difficulty following changes prescribed to them by their doctors.

There is a lot of research published concluding that many diseases will not progress if the patient was willing to conform to the exact lifestyle changes prescribed by the doctor.

I understand that you are aware of the health issues brought about because of diabetes. However, if you simply state them to your father, most likely he will pay no heed. He will not value your input.

I suggest that you put on a documentary at the time of his arrival at home about diabetes and watch.

Purchase a few magazines about diabetes and place it on his night side table, or the dining table, or anywhere where he can skim it.

Talk to your mother or sibling indirectly about diabetes or someone you know who suffered from health issues when your father is present.

Encourage family time

I am not sure of the atmosphere at your home, but I suggest that you try to communicate with your dad about outside matters that bring about stress relief. For example, about the weather, or something of interest to him. This will take his mind off the stressors in his life.

This way, you can improve your relationship with him and eventually talk to him about his stressors and help him work through them. However, rest assured that this will not happen overnight, but will be a gradual change.

In addition, I suggest that you consider asking your siblings and mom to make time for him once he comes back from work. For example, if he comes back around 5 pm or 6 pm, make sure that everyone is free at that time and will sit and talk to him.


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In addition, make him some tea and get some cookies. Do this on a regular basis. When a person is surrounded by family, his stress will subside, and his mind will work ways to overcome stress. I can assure you that this will make him feel happy and will improve the relationship between you and your father and your family.

In addition, I suggest that you send your father and mother out for a walk. Talk your mother into it and make them go for a walk together around sunset time or after dinner. Even the Prophet Muhammed and Ayesha RA would go for walks together after dinner. (Ayesha, the Biography)

Get some healthy snacks for your father

Sometimes, it is hard for our parents to do things for themselves as they are constantly stressing over what they need to do for us. They are uncertain about what they should be doing for better health.

What I suggest you do is make available some healthy snacks for your father. Perhaps purchase some fruit bars or make a healthy lemon drink for him after each meal or give him some salad with his lunch or dinner. When you make such healthy food choices available, he will be obliged to take them.

Consult online resources for diabetes

There are many online resources, which are designed to help parents and kids living with diabetes. I suggest that you consult these resources and see what options will be suitable for your father and what you can do to make him listen to these.

Here is an example.

Pray for good health

Dear brother, good health is vital for a good quality of life. You should strongly believe in the power of du’aa’ and be certain that once you ask Allah SWT for something, HE SWT will bless you with it.

I suggest that you try to go over these during family time, not making your father the subject of the discussion.

Ibn ‘Umar (RAA) narrated, ‘The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) used to supplicate saying, “O Allah! I seek refuge in you from the withholding of your favor, the decline of the good health you have given, the suddenness of your vengeance and from all forms of your wrath.” Related by Muslim.

In addition, you should read the dua for your parents on a regular basis.

“And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.” (Quran 17:24)

Dear brother, there is no specific du’aa’ for a parent’s long and healthy life. You can ask Allah for your parent’s long and healthy life in any language, at any time. 

Here is a good article about the best times to make du’aa’.

I pray that Allah SWT eases all your worries.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Take Benefit of Your Health Before Your Sickness

Who Should Take Care of the Old Mother?

Dad, You Are a Miserable Parent




About Madiha Sadaf

Madiha Sadaf in an undergraduate student at the University of Ottawa, enrolled in BSc. with Major in Biology and Psychology with Minor in Health Social Sciences.

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