Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Given that you are deeply interested in approaching this girl for marriage, I would suggest that you ask your parents to approach her parents. You should make loads of du’aa’, seek forgiveness for your sins, and become regular in your acts of worship.”
As-Salamu ’Alaikum dear brother,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
Your decision to stop texting is definitely praiseworthy. When you are doing something for the sake of Allah (swt), surely, He will bless it.
Communicate what you seek
Personally, I believe that before you go ahead and propose, I would suggest you sit down with her in a public place alongside a friend or a family member you trust and discuss your life goals with her. It is possible that you are simply fantasizing about her. But when you sit down to discuss what you hope to accomplish in life in terms of education, religion, children, etc., your views do not necessarily coordinate. There is nothing wrong with approaching her along with a third person present to discuss important matters. Harm is the result when there is no decency or professionalism in approach. Therefore, I would advise you to consult her and have a sincere discussion.
Do not dream your life with one person without marriage
Given that you are deeply interested in approaching this girl for marriage, I would suggest that you ask your parents to approach her parents. Like her brother said, her parents might rightly say that she is too young. However, there is nothing wrong in approaching. It is possible that they may agree to get you two engaged for a short while, or they may directly agree to get you two married. Only Allah (swt) knows. Therefore, I would suggest you talk about approaching her parents with your parents.
However, after your parents have approached her parents, you must leave it to the will of Allah (swt) and not constantly think about her. Remember, if it is bound to happen, then it will happen. Otherwise, there will be no way of making it happen.
Do not be set on a specific person when it comes to marriage, unless and until you are married. Even during the engaged period, the two individuals are not allowed to spend excessive time together or alone. They are not to involve themselves in inappropriate talk or actions. I have personally seen people who were indulged in haram relationships during their engagement period, and for some given reason, did not get married. They spiraled down the road to depression and mental health illnesses.
Purpose in Life is to Please Allah (swt)
Therefore, it is essential that you think about ways to making yourself a better Muslim and a better person more than you think about marriage. Because marriage is not in our hands, our relationship with Allah (swt) and our efforts and hard work to achieve a strong level of Iman are. Marriage is not the purpose of life, but pleasing Allah (swt) and becoming a stronger Muslim is.
I would advise you to think more about Allah (swt)and pleasing Him. When you think about Allah (swt), this will create a barrier between you and your feelings for her. You should also try to lower your gaze. I would also advise you to read and listen to lectures about marriage. Marriage is an important part of life and is a Sunnah of the Prophet (saw). However, this does not mean that we jump to a decision after seeing one person who assumes is the best for us. Therefore, do not be set on an individual with all your heart because if marriage with that particular individual is not in our best interest as planned by Allah (swt), it will certainly be hard for us to cope.
Seek Guidance from Allah (swt)
Even though you may feel that she is the absolute right person for you, it is not you who can be assured of it. However, it is up to you to ask Allah (swt) to grant you what is the best. Therefore, you should make loads of du’aa’, seek forgiveness for your sins, and become regular in your acts of worship. In addition, I think if you are serious about getting married early, you should pray Tahajjud on a regular basis because a du’aa’ which is made at Tahajjud is sure to be accepted, according to authentic ahadith.
In addition, please pray the prayer of guidance.
In conclusion, I would strongly advise you to stop texting her completely, do not think about her too much, work on making yourself a better person and ask your parents to approach her parents for marriage.
I hope my answer provided the guidance that you were looking. I pray that Allah (swt) facilitates your desire to get married as soon as possible with the right person.
Amen,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
