Ads by Muslim Ad Network

aaa

Is Piety and Good Character Enough for Marriage?

17 October, 2023
Q Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah, I am a male living in USA. Alhamdulillah, I have had good education, I am practicing, and try to implement Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can. I have recently been interested in a girl; she has memorized the Quran, wears hijab, and our mindsets and values align. She has all the qualities I am seeking in a wife and much more. I do think she will be a great support for me and help me become a better man and a better Muslim. The one problem is that I am not attracted to her; I've been wrestling with this idea for some time. Sometimes I think if she would lose some weight, it would make her more beautiful to me. Maybe if she takes more care of herself? Subhan'Allah sometimes I feel Shaytan is whispering about her physical flaws. I have not met her in person; she lives abroad, and I want to be sure I will be able to fulfill my role as a husband before I ask for her hand. What can I do to ensure she and I can have a great marriage? Do people marry hoping that attraction and love will develop? What can I do to ensure that she is right for me? JazakAllah for your help.

Answer

Aisha Mohammad
17 October, 2023

Attraction may not be the main thing, but it does play a part in the marriage decision. The Prophet, peace be upon him, advised a man to go and have a look at her before marrying her, so you may follow his advice too.

Also, know that love and affection grow in marriage with kind treatment, bonding, and getting along well.

Expecting someone to change after marriage may be a source of conflict. Make your decision on how she is now and whether you can accept her without putting expectations on her look.

Online video or a phone call may not give you the right impression. If you live abroad, visit and see her in person, in a halal setting, as this can help you to realize whether you like her or not.

Listen to the full answer here.

Ads by Muslim Ad Network

More from Sr. Aisha:

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

getting married Attractive marital advice attraction
About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.