When I told my parents about him, they literally hit the roof. They have disowned me and don’t want anything to do with me or my daughter. I’m stuck; I don’t know what to do. My parents as they are emotionally blackmailing me to come home and forget everything including him saying leave everything.
Secondly, my daughter’s future; how that will go down if I marry him as I do love him but don’t want to leave him. In my parents’ eyes, it is not the norm for a Pakistani woman to get married to a white revert. I hope you can at least tell me something.
I feel like I’m doing bad to my parents as well as to him because he loves me and he’s willing to leave his entire family for me. They do not accept the case that he’s a revert to Islam.
In this counseling answer:
• Consider your options. Think about and write down the consequences of making each option.
• Consult with a close and tried family member who will be able to advise you without the same emotional attachment that you have.
• Pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to what is best for you, him and your family.
Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,
Before even looking at your specific situation, it’s important to remember that skin, color and whether revert or not should be irrelevant in consideration of a person (although, still comes with some challenges).
Furthermore, it is important to be aware of how it is also not Islamically acceptable to be with another person in a romantic way, before marriage. Although what has been done to now cannot be undone, it is important to realize how this might impact on your feelings regarding this situation.
Your situation is made especially difficult in that it feels that one way or another you will be upsetting either your family or him. You feel that you cannot have both. Feeling that you have to choose between one or the other is tough and comes with consequences whatever action you take.
When it comes to making such life-changing decisions, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself and those around you.
First of all, consider your options. Think about and write down the consequences of making each. Write down the pros and cons of each and which option would be most pleasing to Allah. This will help you to see everything in perspective. Put it away somewhere and in the next few days, take that list out again and see how you feel about what you wrote down. Add to it if other things come to mind.
Consult with a close and tried family member who will be able to advise you without the same emotional attachment that you have. They may even help you to consider things that you hadn’t even thought of.
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Consider other options. If you are serious about marrying this man, then perhaps arrange a meeting between the families to open his families’ eyes to Islam as well as your families’ eyes to the nature of this man. By this meeting, they might be able to judge him for who he is and not based on their own assumptions and stereotypes.
Amongst all this, pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to what is best for you, him and your family. If marriage to him is meant to be and will be good for you then surely Allah will make it happen. If not, He will turn your heart away from it.
May Allah guide you to make the best decision that will be best for all and most pleasing to Him.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.