Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum brother,
Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. I think the issue is not that this man was Sunni, Shi’a, or from whatever Muslim community. What is most important is that she was involved in a relationship. To what extent is unclear so it is unknown if it was kept halal or not. That is of first concern, especially if it was not halal and she did not seek forgiveness and repent. If she did, then that is her past.
Dear brother, you can “make her” quit her job, you can “make her” change her phone number and impose all sorts of restrictions and protections; however, if she is intent on getting in contact with him, she will. As you stated, she did. A
t this point in time brother, I would not advise marrying her. It is quite possible that she did keep the relationship halal and did nothing against the laws of Islam. However, it seems she still has an attachment to him, and you cannot change that. She did confide in you, telling you she was in love with him but could not marry him because of her parents. So, as your parents picked her for you, her parents picked you for her, with neither of you really having a say in who you wish to marry. The fact that she likes someone else, brother, is no reflection on you; she met him prior to you and while I am sure she does care for you, this other brother was the one she did want to marry.
I would advise making istikharah if you have not already; however, it seems that Allah in His most infinite mercy has already shown you some signs. Based on what you know so far, I would suggest considering calling off the marriage in sha’ Allah in order to save you, her and both families from much possible grief in the future. You do not have to give that reason specifically as it is personal and it is no one’s business as it was told in confidence. To do so would only cause added grief and hurt that doesn’t need to be added. Simply tell her, your parents and her parents that you wish to call off the marriage due to irreconcilable differences and leave it at that. That is the honorable thing to do. In sha’Allah, Allah (swt) will bless your efforts to maintain her dignity while also protecting yourself from possible harm in the future.
Allah (swt) knows best.
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