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Is Marriage The Solution for My Financial Problems?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 01, 2018

Question

Assalam alaikum warahmatullahi barakatuhu. I am a dental student studying in India. I always wanted to be a doctor. I am in the first year of my course and due to some financial problems and family issues, I am not able to pay my academic fee. I thought of taking a student loan, but it’s haraam. So, I am stuck now. I am really sad and depressed because I feel all the ways are blocked. My family is planning to marry me off. I really don’t want to get married but because of my financial problems, they are rushing me to get married. I really want to become something in life, but I feel there's no way out. I feel everyone around me is blessed with something or other except me. Everyone is happy and only my life is worsening day by day. I feel my life will never be the same again. Everything will go wrong. I don’t like anyone in my family either. I know we should not despair and we should trust Allah, but I cannot control my feelings. I feel nothing is good in my life; no family, no friends. What should I do? I am really depressed!

Counselor

Answer


Is Marriage The Solution for My Financial Problems?

In this counseling answer:

“If you are sincerely trying to attain a goal in life, certain tough circumstances will slow you down. But they will not make it impossible to attain what you sincerely desire.”


As-Salamu Alaikum dear sister,

Bad things are bound to happen in life, and so are good things. Sometimes, good stems from bad. So, in reality, bad things are simply our psychological illusions.

When things go wrong, it is hard to keep perspective and see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. When such circumstances come our way, we must learn to trust Allah. We have no other option. Nothing takes place without the will of Allah, and nothing is really designed to harm us in any way.

You can overcome this sense of hopeless without medical help by ensuring that you foster positivity in your mind rather than fostering negativity.

Sincerity always helps overcome hard circumstances

“A sincere person is devoted to divine duty and obligation, and not deterred by conditions and circumstances. He performs his duty constantly and persistently and does not get tired of repeating it thousands of times. Physical weakness or old age may decrease his labor, but his fervor and motive remain unchanged.” (Al-Islam.org)

If you are sincerely trying to attain a goal in life, certain tough circumstances will slow you down. But they will not make it impossible to attain what you sincerely desire.

Accept your situation—for now

Money trouble is very common amongst students and adults alike. It is something that ruins people’s health, relationships, and peace of mind when not solved properly. Until you find a solution, by the will of Allah sooner rather than later, you need to accept the fact that there is a hidden blessing in the issue that you are currently facing.

Renew your intentions

In your question, you mentioned that you always wanted to be a doctor. You mentioned that you want to make something of yourself.

Dear sister, I think you should renew your intentions. Do not consider being a doctor just for the sake of having a title attached to your name, or for the sake of being called a “doctor”.

Medicine is a profession of nobility. Do not let the aspect of fame or wealth fog your intentions. You should aspire to be a medical student and a doctor because it can help many people. As you obviously cannot help everyone for free, you should intent to help as many people as you can.

The Prophet said, “People will be resurrected (and judged) according to their intentions.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Marriage is a good beginning

Dear sister, marriage is not the end of life. If you want to become a doctor and practice dentistry, you can certainly do so after marriage.

I don’t understand why people consider marriage an end of a woman’s hopes and dreams. Marriage is a beautiful beginning to a new life. How you shape that life depends on you and your life partner. You must practice compromise, kindness, understanding and encouragement for each other.

I know many people here who have pursued farther education after marriage. Men and women. Marriage can be a source of blessing and happiness for you. It is possible that your future husband will support you, and let you study. However, you must approach the matter sensitively and kindly. Respecting both your desires and those of a potential husband.

Focus on what you can control

Money and our future are not in our hands. It is in the hands of Allah. We are not capable of controlling. Therefore, why are we worrying about what we cannot control? We must work on what we can control.

Try speaking with your parents

You must respect your parents, but you must also let them know what you hope to achieve in life. It is their responsibility as parents to act in the best interest of the child.

Sometimes, many university students are in a position where the parents consider marriage to be above everything, but it is not for the sake of causing them stress. It is what they believe to be better, but at times their perspectives become hard to see.

However, if you calmly approach one of your parents, either your mom or dad and explain your ambition, I am certain that you can all work out a compromise.

Seek family members’ help in asking for a loan that you will pay back

The only loan that is forbidden is the one where you must pay back with interest. Otherwise, if you can find someone who can give you a loan and you can repay it as soon as you are done your studies and have found a job, then it is not forbidden.

Work

If you have the possibility of enrolling yourself in a job that you and your parents are happy with, then work for a while and save enough money.

Make use of any assets if possible

I have seen a friend of mine who sold a few real gold necklaces which were given to her by her grandmother for the purpose of funding her education. She told me that she believed education is a better asset than any jewelry she can ever own. if you have an asset, and if your parents agree, then you can work out a way to fund your education now.

Make time for exercise and socializing

I cannot stress the importance of a good exercising session. It may seem hard to exercise given the depressed state of mind during hard circumstances. However, exercising not only helps you feel refreshed, but it also has the potential to help you create solutions for problems. It helps you have a new outlook on a lie and can help you see certain circumstances with a new perspective.

Live in the moment

Dear sister, 99 out of the 100 problems we predict never happen. It is the result of an overactive negative imagination. The only way we can overcome this is by not thinking ahead and predicting all the possible issues that can arise.

In addition, dear sister, the Prophet said,

“Allah the Almighty said: I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a cubit, and if he draws near to Me a cubit, I draw near to him a fathom. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.” (40 Hadith Qudsi)

Therefore, dear sister, it will become easy for you to be happy if you realize that at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is your relationship with Allah and how you plan to carry out your life and work to overcome any negative circumstance.

The power of supplication

There are many supplications you can make to overcome a time of difficulty.

In the Quran, Allah said,

“Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers and give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers.” (Quran 71: 10-12)

Therefore, seek continuous forgiveness.

Read names of Allah. Call upon Allah by using His names and attributes. There are many of His names which you can call upon and seek what it is that you desire. You must seek courage, strength, and direction from Him.

I pray that Allah grants you what is the best for you.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Are Interest-Bearing Student Loans Permissible?

Do All Muslims Have to Get Married?

I Don’t Ever Want to Get Married. Must I?




About Madiha Sadaf

Madiha Sadaf in an undergraduate student at the University of Ottawa, enrolled in BSc. with Major in Biology and Psychology with Minor in Health Social Sciences.

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