I Continuously Fail; Nothing Motivates Me to Study

12 February, 2020
Q Assalamu Aleikom. I am a 20-year old girl. I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom in my life. I failed 12th grade three times due to which I have lost 3 precious years of my life.

I am trying again this year but nothing motivates me to study. I keep remembering my past failures in academics and sports.

I have lost interest in everything else too. I am not able to pray and read Quran which I used to do often. I get frequent head- and stomachaches but doctors cannot find anything physically wrong with me during check-ups and scanning.

Everyone around me taunts me that I became a loser. I have self-esteem issues and an inferiority complex.

Due to going out in the sun a lot, my skin has started tanning which makes me feel bad about myself.

I tried to commit suicide but my religion is holding me back from going through with it. I am depressed and stressed about my future.

I have zero confidence in myself. I have lost all hope. How can I become a good Muslim? Please advise!

Answer


In this counseling answer:

I do not know what country you live in so I am giving you the general number for the US. If you do not live in the US, please look for The Suicide Prevention hotline number in your geographical area so you will have it handy.

Leave the past in the past. Refresh your motives and start anew as you indicated you wanted to do.

Think positive; look towards good goals and accomplishments knowing that you will succeed. The thoughts we keep thinking eventually become reality.

Contact your family doctor and request a counseling appointment.


As salamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us and trusting us with your most important concerns and issues. As I understand you are a 20-year-old who hit rock bottom in her life.

You stated that you failed three times and lost three precious years and you do not know the reason for failure.

You have lost interest in a lot of things and haven’t been able to read Qur’an or pray. You have also discussed issues about being bullied and taunted.

Fears, Insecurities, Possible Depression

From what you have said, it appears that you used to be good at a lot of things! You used to read Qur’an, you prayed, and you were very smart in school.

However, you began to lose interest in everything. At some point, people started taunting and bullying you which, I am sure, only made matters worse.

Has your family noticed this, and are they supportive in any way?

You state that you have self-esteem issues and inferiority complexes, and you do not feel good about yourself.

I Continuously Fail; Nothing Motivates Me to Study - About Islam

Medically, you are getting headaches and stomach pain, and would often go for medical checks. However, nothing appears to be wrong.

You also stated that you tried to commit suicide many times but did not go through with it as you are a Muslim. In Islam, suicide is a great sin and you do not want to sin.

Also, a concern of fear is that you did not want anyone to do a post-mortem. This may or may not relate to your somatic concerns and fears medically.

You keep thinking about the past, failures, hurts, etc. Focusing on these will keep your concerns alive and makes them grow.

Leave the past in the past. Refresh your motives and start anew as you indicated you wanted to do.

Think positive; look towards good goals and accomplishments knowing that you will succeed. The thoughts we keep thinking eventually become reality.

Make a committment to yourself to let go of the past, the negtive thoughts and focus on good thoughts, aspirations and outcomes.

Promise Not to Harm Self

You appear to have a lot of issues going on; a lot of concerns, fears, and possible depression. Have you ever seen a counselor or therapist?

I cannot diagnose you; only a counselor who assesses you is able to diagnose you. However, it appears that you may be suffering from depression or anxiety, or both.

It could be some other mental health disorder that is causing all of this chaos in your life. I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you do contact your family doctor and request a counseling appointment.

I would also suggest that, since you have thoughts of suicide, you do tell someone close to you about what you are feeling.

Make a promise to yourself that you will not harm yourself. Please write it down on a piece of paper. This is your promise to yourself and to Allah that you will not harm yourself.

This is your promise that you will give this life and these current issues everything you have to overcome them. Trust in Allah, He is most merciful.

If you feel in crisis or just need someone to talk to please do call the suicide hotline. Should you feel that you have suicide ideation go to your nearest emergency room.


Check out this counseling video:


I do not know what country you live in so I am giving you the general number for the US. If you do not live in the US, please look for The Suicide Prevention hotline number in your geographical area so you will have it handy.

Counseling

Insha’Allah, if you start counseling on a regular basis you will get to the bottom of your problems.

Once you have a clear idea of what you are dealing with, you will be able to get treatment and begin to heal. However, it will take that first step of reaching out for help.

Allah says He hears the cries of the oppressed and He helps them. Even so, we have tests and trials in this life, and we must also help ourselves.

This means taking the first step: calling your doctor, or going to a community center in your neighborhood where there is counseling available.

Suicide ideation is a very serious issue. With that said, I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to get into counseling.

Regaining Hope, Moving Towards Healing

Feeling hopeless. Losing joy in life. These can be the hallmark features of depression. Interest in activities, social life, prayer, our connection to Allah, and other things that were once important often lose their significance.

While I cannot diagnose you, I do encourage you to seek counseling as soon as posssible. The sooner you go, the sooner you will begin to heal, feel good, and begin to enjoy life again. There is no need to suffer when help is available.

I am fully confident insha’Allah that even though you have lost all hope and you state you are depressed, you will get your life back. You will find joy in things again.

The Love and Mercy of Allah

Allah has wonderful things waiting for you. What you are going through is but a small yet significant example of how we are tested and tried in this life. Please do trust in Allah and know that He loves you and wants you to heal.

Make duaa to Allah to heal you, to give you the strength to go for counseling and resolve these issues. Make dhkzir when you are feeling scared, depressed, or confused.

Our Dhkzir is a healing balm. Even though you cannot pray your salats right now, pray when you can. Allah knows your intention, your heart, and your suffering. Allah loves you and is most merciful.

By trusting in Allah, taking a firm stand and getting treatment, you will come out of this experience a much stronger and more insightful person.

Trusting in Allah and striving to do what is right in your heart are both parts of being a good Muslim. No one is perfect, no! But our iman and love for Allah guides us to be better insha’Allah every day. Each day is a new opportunity!

Conclusion

Please do seek counseling as soon as possible. The sooner you address your issues, the sooner you can get back on the path of a happy and productive life.

Again, I cannot diagnose you. However, if you are depressed or have anxiety, please remember that you are not depression or anxious.

It does not define who you are. It is simply something that is happening to you which you can address and change.

Millions of people worldwide suffer from some form of mental illness. Depression and anxiety are very common and treatable.

Even so, you must take the active steps to engage in treatment and healing. If you can begin this, the rest of your life insha’Allah will come back together.

We wish you the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.