Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Thank you for your good question and concern about the affairs of your fellow Muslims.
Parents should spare no efforts to raise their children on the ethics of Islam, including re respecting and loving parents. Husband-wife problems should be properly fixed in a way that doesn’t negatively affect their children.
Answering your question, Dr. Wael Shehab, PhD in Islamic Studies from Al-Azhar University and currently the Imam of the Downtown Toronto Masjid in Canada, states:
Parents should be careful and keen to raise their children on the ethics and morals of Islam. Both the husband and the wife should cooperate to carry out this duty faithfully and successfully.
In this context, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; a slave is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges.” (Al-Bukhari)
Given the above, it is the duty of the wife, as well as the husband, to raise children on loving, respecting, and being dutiful to their parents.
It is unbecoming for a wife to tell kids bad things about their father. It’s rather her duty to implant in their hearts love and respect for parents.
If a wife or a husband violates the above ethics, then he or she should be advised to fear Allah and be back to the straight path. This should be done through mutual understanding, respect, and compassion. Spouses’ problems should be fixed through dialogue, advice, and professional counseling. In some cases, influential family members, close friends, or/and a local imam may be sought for help and counseling.
Allah Almighty knows best.