After Repentance, Feeling Hypocrisy: Any Help?

09 October, 2017
Q As-salamu `alaykum. I have a question about hypocrisy; I'm afraid I have fallen victim to it. I started praying few years back and stopped zina and drinking. At first it was great feeling. But then my heart was felt with hate about my past. I kept praying because good things were coming to me. I ask things from Allah and He gives me. I was not grateful to Him and my heart was filled with hate because my life did not go according to my plan. Well, finally Allah has exposed me by putting me in a bit of a test. I was blinded and did not think about nobody but myself. I have kibr (pride) which lead me to total humiliation. I did not know that I was a hypocrite till I was put in that test. I'm living in regret and it's eating me alive. I really need your help. I want to repent but it's too hard. I feel that my heart still filled with hate. It feels like Allah has put a seal on my heart, just like he mentioned in the Qur'an. I'm sorry but I can't undo what I did. Can you, please, help me?


Wa `alaykum as-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

In this fatwa:

1- Fearing Allah is a positive feeling on the condition that it motivates you to obeying Him.

2- However, if it turned to a negative feeling that draws you back form good deeds, then it is a great danger that you should be greatly cautious about.

Responding to your question, Dr. Hatem Al-Hajj, Dean of College of Islamic Studies, Mishkah University, stated:

Remember that your lord, Allah, is the most merciful of all. Don’t despair as despair itself is a sin, because a desperate person has negative thoughts about Allah.

Allah Almighty said:

“Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Az-Zumar 39:53)

The feeling of fear from Allah and hypocrisy is healthy as long as it motivates you to be more devoted to Him and more righteous in actions. Once that feeling becomes a deterrent from progress towards Him or an obstacle on your journey back to Him, it is considered negative and, then, is from the Satan. So, you should counter it with hope in His great mercy.

Let love for Allah be with you all the time. The more you recognize Him, the more you will love Him.

Allah Almighty knows best.

About Dr. Hatem Al-Haj
Dean of the College of Islamic Studies at Mishkah University and a member of the Permanent Fatwa Committee for the Assembly of Muslim Jurists in America (AMJA)