Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
- Your mother is wrong in refusing your permission to marry the person you have chosen. Her reason for rejecting her is not Islamic.
- You may choose to marry the girl of your choice as long as you are satisfied with her faith and character.
Responding to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
You have the choice of marrying the person you want as long as she is compatible. The primary criteria for marriage are stated by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the following tradition:
“If someone with acceptable faith and character approaches for marriage, marry him; otherwise you are paving the way for corruption in the land.” (At-Tirmidhi)
In another tradition, he said, “A woman is married for her wealth, family status, beauty or her religion; so, prefer the criterion of religion. (If you do so, you gain the blessings of both worlds.)” (Al-Bukhari)
Therefore, once you have a girl to marry and you are satisfied with her faith and character, there is no harm in considering the other factors such as beauty and family.
Marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman; as such, everyone has the right to choose their marriage partners.
Parents have no right to coerce their sons or daughters to marry someone they dislike. Imam Ibn Taymiyyah points out: “Even as you are free to choose the food of your choice (as long as it is halal), likewise you are free to choose your marriage partner.”
Therefore, your mother is wrong in refusing your permission to marry the person you have chosen. Her reason for rejecting her is not Islamic. Islam does not allow us to discriminate based on skin color or ethnicity or language, etc.
Islam teaches us that all of people are descended from Adam and Adam is created from the dust; as such, no one can claim superiority over another person based on race, color or ethnicity.
In conclusion, you may choose to marry the girl of your choice as long as you are satisfied with her faith and character.
I would urge you to do your best to convince your mother to accept your choice; perhaps you may seek the help of the imam or an elder in the community to speak with her.
However, if you go ahead with it against your mother’s wish, you still ought to establish good relations with her and fulfill your duties as a faithful son.
I pray to Allah to help you navigate the issue wisely.
Almighty Allah knows best.