Married against Parents’ Will: What to Do?

20 October, 2018
Q As-salamu `alaykum. I married someone whom my parents disapproved of because I was afraid of my father. I did not disclose this to them for 2 months, but then I told them the whole truth and was sorry for not being bold enough to tell them before. My husband is a practicing Muslim with the same ethnicity as me. My father now says he will disown me because of this and has forbidden my mother and sister from meeting me. He says that he does not recognize the marriage and he will not allow any of the children born to this marriage to meet him or my mom. Is this attitude of disowning and abandoning one's child acceptable in Islam? Is there any Qur’anic or Hadith reference to support your argument?


Wa `alaykum as-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

In this fatwa:

Indeed, you made a big mistake by marrying against your parents’ will. As for your current situation, you should seek your father’s approval of your marriage by any means. You should seek help from some influential friends and family members.

In his response to your question, Dr. Mohammad Naim Saei, Member of the Permanent Fatwa Committee of the AMJA, states:

According the majority of Muslim scholars from different schools of thought, no Muslim female who has not been married before is allowed to marry without the permission of her parents or guardian.

And according to these scholars, the marriage should be conducted by the parents or the guardian.

Imam Abu Hanifah, however, among a few other scholars, permits marriage without permission of the parents or a guardian for a female who has passed the age of puberty and even conducting the marriage by herself as long as she is marrying someone who is equal in status and social rank to her family.

Also, according to Abu Hanifah, if she is not marrying someone with these criteria, the family of the female has the authority to break the marriage contract.

I strongly recommend you to seek and beg for your father’s pleasance and blessing. Otherwise, your marriage life will not be blessed or happy, and generally, you will not be on the safe side from the Shari`ah point of view.

Try to seek the help of other family members to help you appease your parents and seek their consent.

Allah Almighty knows best.

Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.