Is My Marriage Valid Without Parents’ Permission?

05 August, 2020
Q I want to marry a girl I knew her for 4 years. I'm 29 years old and she is 31.

Her parents are agreed on our marriage but my parents are not because of her age.

If I do nikah without my parents' permission; only the girl's parents will be present and my cousin, will this marriage be considered valid?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•You could organize a meeting between the 2 families. This will give your parents the opportunity to get to know her and her family.

•If you can’t organize a face to face meeting, then maybe even a phone call will suffice and give a chance to get to know her for who she is, not her age, raw,  or any other thing that people have stereotypes based on.


Wa alaikum salaam brother,

I can’t advise on the fiqhi matters as I am not a scholar, but I would advise you to confirm if it is, in fact, ok for you to marry without your parents present.

I can, however, provide you with some support on your situation. Your situation is not an isolated one. There are many many cases where a couple do not receive support from one family, or even both at times.

It places a great burden on the couple as, of course, in an ideal world, every couple wants the support of both families to make for a smooth marriage without problems.

If you feel you can deal with this then go ahead. Perhaps, in sha Allah, your parents will come round and agree to the marriage.

It may take a while, but once they see you happy, hopefully, they will be happy too. Parents like to see their children happy.

Is My Marriage Valid Without Parents' Permission? - About Islam

Perhaps something you could try, whether it is ruled that you can or cannot marry her without them present, you could organize a meeting between the 2 families. This will give your parents the opportunity to get to know her and her family.


Check out this counseling video


To realize that her age is completely irrelevant because she is a good person from a good family. This may turn their hearts towards her and make them more agreeable to the marriage, whether this is before or after it happens depending on the scholarly advise you receive.

If you can’t organize a face to face meeting, then maybe even a phone call will suffice and give a chance to get to know her for who she is, not her age, raw,  or any other thing that people have stereotypes based on.

This might be a process that takes a little time and requires patience and prayers but may work to soften their hearts towards her.

Additionally, you might talk to them yourself and let them know that in marriage, age doesn’t matter, as with race and class and what matters is her piety and that she makes you happy.

You may even consider bringing support with you; either a family member who you feel they will listen to or even your local imam.

This way your parents will know you’re serious and will take you more seriously as they come to know how much it means to you.

An imam will also be able to convince them with the Islamic perspective on age being quite the irrelevant factor in marriage, using evidence from the sunnah of the Prophet (SAW)Arrington an older woman, Khadijah.

May Allah guide you and your parents and make your spouse the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)