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Desiring Other Than One’s Spouse in Paradise: Lawful?

05 May, 2018
Q I am a married woman, but I love a man other than my husband. I know this is forbidden in Islam, so I cut off my relationship with him. However, I would like to know if it is right to beseech Almighty Allah to gather me with this man in Paradise.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


In this fatwa:

It is not lawful for a married woman to desire somebody other than her husband whether in this world or in the Hereafter.


Responding to your question, Dr. Ragab Abu Maleeh Muhammad, Professor of Islamic Studies at Kolej Universiti Insaniah, states: 

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It is not lawful for a married woman to desire somebody other than her husband whether in this world or in the Hereafter. It is stipulated in Islam that both spouses find satisfaction in one another, that is, neither of them is to look lustfully at a person other than his or her spouse.

If a married woman feels that she is about to fall in love with a man other than her husband, or that an old love story of hers is waking in her heart, she must immediately awaken herself to the fear of Allah and do her best so that she can block all the ways leading to that thorny path. Unfortunately, you, dear sister, have not done so.

You should know that there are steps of marital breach; each step taken leads to a further (and riskier) one. The first step starts when a woman desires a man other than her husband and seeks to be where he is and talk with him, which leads, at the end, to the ruin of her marital life.

You, sister, have taken such preliminary steps, and the result is that you are with your husband just in body, while your heart and soul are with someone else. It may even be that all that remains of the marriage between you and your husband is just the name and that document that relates you to him, which you may wish to terminate any minute.

Your ending that love affair is right. But you should bear in mind that if you had continued in such a forbidden relationship, you might have fallen prey to that man and he might not have accepted you as his wife if you had been divorced from your husband for his sake.

You would have then been a great loser after you had betrayed not only your husband and family, but also Almighty Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him). This would have been the case if that man had reciprocated your love. But if he knows nothing about your love for him, only you are responsible for this fault.

Anyway, we appreciate your giving up this sin. By this you fall under those about whom Almighty Allah says: “And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins,—and who can forgive sins except Allah?—and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done” (Aal `Imran 3:135)

You have remembered Almighty Allah and so you have given up this affair. But you should faithfully continue the way of repentance. If you are to accomplish it, you will be rendered worthy of the great reward mentioned in Almighty Allah’s words: “For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath,—an eternal dwelling: How excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!” (Aal `Imran 3:136)

Hence, we advise you, dear sister, to do the following:

1. Continue cutting off your relationship with that man altogether; do not ever talk to him or contact him in any way, or wish to be engaged to him even in Paradise.

2. Try your best to get closer to your husband and give him a chance to express his feelings to you. If you find that you can be that loyal and amiable wife who can accept her husband’s imperfections, go on in your life with him.

3. If, on the contrary, you find that the gap between you and your husband is increasing and that you fear you may succumb to temptation and fall into sin, you may ask for a divorce. But in this case, yield some of your (financial) rights to your husband, for your situation is closer to khul` rather than to divorce.

4. Keep in mind that your asking for divorce in this case—when it is inevitable—should not be premeditated between you and that man you love. In other words, you should not ask for divorce as a means to enable you to marry your lover. When your `iddah (waiting period) is over and that man wants to propose to you, he can then ask your guardian for your hand and follow the lawful channels for that purpose.

However, we doubt that that man will propose to you, for men like him, who have love relations with married women, hardly seek to be lawfully united with them; rather, they prefer the game of flirting with those women, free from any responsibility towards them.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.