08 April, 2020
Q
Assalamualaikum.
I have been married for about two years now. Unfortunately, it was after my marriage that I realized I might have forced my husband into our marriage since he shows no signs of love or affection towards me. He provides food and intimate relations but only out of his marital role not out of any emotional attachment. I constantly feel lonely; he goes out in the mornings and comes back late nearly every day including the weekends. We seem to have no connection to each other whatsoever.
The worst aspect is that he snitches on me. He tells people it’s very difficult to stay with me and that he can do just fine without me. Because of this his people and my community all think he was forced into marrying me. He also has some other women with whom he regularly speaks. I have checked his phone twice and found that he was romantically and sexually involved with three women.
I am scared of the kind of life I have come to lead for myself. I don’t have to be forced to commit a sin. I pray to Allah SWT with tears in my eyes, but two days ago I decided that I have had enough. My married best friend showed me evidence where he tried to get with her which she then rejected. I confronted him and he knows that I know of all the horrible things he’s been doing. I feel like I don’t even know the kind of man I married.
I am an excellent cook, I clean the house very well, and I try to be romantic, yet he shows no interest. I also feel that he doesn't respect my parents as he should, and he outwardly tries to put me down in front of everyone and even my friends.
I am fed up. We had a huge fight where I told him I cannot live where I am not shown love and that I will leave him; he didn’t even try to stop me. I booked my flight to where my parents are, and he didn’t stop me at all. I haven’t cooked for two days and the restaurant had stopped running.
I need urgent advice on what to do! Honestly, we were not even happy right after the first two weeks of our marriage and I cried almost every day because of his treatment towards me.
Currently I have been praying and seeking guidance from Allah SWT because I made a terrible mistake, I chose him and insisted on marrying him when I had much better matches. I made a mistake, but I can’t bury myself in my mistake forever because now I fear committing a sin out of this. I have decided to leave him, but I am scared for him to continue to commit sins.
I seek your advice, please help me.
Thank you.
I have been married for about two years now. Unfortunately, it was after my marriage that I realized I might have forced my husband into our marriage since he shows no signs of love or affection towards me. He provides food and intimate relations but only out of his marital role not out of any emotional attachment. I constantly feel lonely; he goes out in the mornings and comes back late nearly every day including the weekends. We seem to have no connection to each other whatsoever.
The worst aspect is that he snitches on me. He tells people it’s very difficult to stay with me and that he can do just fine without me. Because of this his people and my community all think he was forced into marrying me. He also has some other women with whom he regularly speaks. I have checked his phone twice and found that he was romantically and sexually involved with three women.
I am scared of the kind of life I have come to lead for myself. I don’t have to be forced to commit a sin. I pray to Allah SWT with tears in my eyes, but two days ago I decided that I have had enough. My married best friend showed me evidence where he tried to get with her which she then rejected. I confronted him and he knows that I know of all the horrible things he’s been doing. I feel like I don’t even know the kind of man I married.
I am an excellent cook, I clean the house very well, and I try to be romantic, yet he shows no interest. I also feel that he doesn't respect my parents as he should, and he outwardly tries to put me down in front of everyone and even my friends.
I am fed up. We had a huge fight where I told him I cannot live where I am not shown love and that I will leave him; he didn’t even try to stop me. I booked my flight to where my parents are, and he didn’t stop me at all. I haven’t cooked for two days and the restaurant had stopped running.
I need urgent advice on what to do! Honestly, we were not even happy right after the first two weeks of our marriage and I cried almost every day because of his treatment towards me.
Currently I have been praying and seeking guidance from Allah SWT because I made a terrible mistake, I chose him and insisted on marrying him when I had much better matches. I made a mistake, but I can’t bury myself in my mistake forever because now I fear committing a sin out of this. I have decided to leave him, but I am scared for him to continue to commit sins.
I seek your advice, please help me.
Thank you.
Answer
Salam Aleikom,
In this counseling video, you will learn:
You are not responsible for your husband’s behavior & choices
Divorce is not a sin
Ask yourself: what do you want for yourself and your future?
Problems will not be solved by themselves; the steps
Quran advice: Involve a third party
salam,
***
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