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Parents Make My Family’s Life Difficult, Want to Move Out

04 March, 2023
Q Salaam, I am a 34-year-old Muslim man living with my wife and 2-year-old son in the same house with my parents and other siblings (elder brother and younger sister). I recently moved about 6 months ago and have noticed that my parents along with my elder brother have only been causing trouble. It’s been very hard for my wife and kid to survive in this house. We keep living in the same room for days.

Basically, my mother has issues with my wife not looking over my son when he makes the house untidy even though he doesn’t even make it that dirty. She just exaggerates and creates an issue. My wife has no relatives in this country and she left her family behind and I have sympathy for her. But my mom screamed at her a few days ago saying all you do is watch movies and shows on your cell phone. Even though my wife tries her best to clean the house do kitchen chores with her and even cook food for my parents. Many a times my wife has even asked to do other chores as well but my mother says no and then later makes an issue out of it as well.

My parents along with my elder brother backbite about my wife, my 2-year-old son suffers because of this as well and he gets no love from my parents and even if they do show love they keep reminding of the favor. On the other hand, my wife's parents love my son so much and are giving him so much love.

Basically, to sum it up, I want to move out of my parent's house without letting them know as my wife, son and myself haven’t talked to them for the past 3 days and have been stuck in a room and no one asks about us in this house anyways. I wanted your opinion and suggestion if moving out is okay? As I am not comfortable talking to them.

Answer

If you have recently moved to your parents house with your family, you may still be in an adjustment phase. 

Kids can be messy, even if your wife takes care of picking up after them. Your mom might be used to tidiness, so she needs to understand that this is a new situation.

Rudeness, backbiting and blaming, however, are not right. Good communication is the key. 

Sit down and talk about the common efforts you need to make in this situation in order to find peace and balance at home.

But if there is no improvement in your relationship, you can go for finding your own place with your family; there is nothing wrong with that, and even so, it can be a better option for all. 

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.