Answer
In this counseling answer:
- I think this story has to do with forgiveness and acceptance, and I am not sure that monetary compensation would fulfill the needs and wishes of your sister.
- Approach this situation with a full, open heart and understanding that you might disagree with your sister, but these disagreements can and should be reconciled.
- What matters is that in the present, you can still forgive, reconcile, and have a good and loving family together.
Salam alaikom, dear sister,
Thank you for sharing your story about the fight with your sister, which eventually led to cutting ties and breaking the family. I am really sorry to hear that a conflict has led to these drastic consequences.
As you are the third sister, and what happened first was between your two sisters, it would be good to listen to their opinions and points of view and try to reach a mutual understanding to bond the family together again.
Your younger sister left the house unsafe, and it seems that she, or her point of view, was not supported neither by you nor by your parents. I am not sure, but maybe she felt the need for some form of “compensation for not receiving support from her loved ones, and that is why she turned to the authorities. Maybe she felt alone and vulnerable and expected a different response but could not properly express that.
At the end, she dropped the case, maybe because she understood the possible harm it could cause to your other sister (getting filed for a family, an ordinary fight, as she classified it), but cut ties until recently. Now she would like to have some consequences for being mistreated.
You are asking about whether to pay some form of monetary compensation for the damages.
Sister, I do not have the full picture of what happened, and I haven’t heard the version from your sisters.
Forgiveness and Acceptance
But I think this story has to do with forgiveness and acceptance, and I am not sure that monetary compensation would fulfill the needs and wishes of your sister.
I do not know what the fight was about; she may have committed something wrong, but do you think she deserves the opposition of the whole family for that prolonged time?
You wrote that she wanted to make peace, but you and your family did not. That must have been a hurtful moment for her, even if she was the one who initiated or caused the fight. Yes, she cut the ties, but what if she expected a different reaction to that? Your older sister took it as a regular sibling fight, but what if it was not the case for her?
I am not sure whether there was any moment where you could discuss what each of you felt in that situation.
What led them to act this way, and what led you to support one and not the other? As each coin has two sides, we have to try our best to put ourselves in the shoes of the other and understand where she is coming from.
Sometimes we even realize that some fights have a much older history and things did not start on that day. This is something they, sisters, should reflect upon to see what even escalation could have led to this situation.
Sister, we all commit mistakes, and first and foremost, we need to repent and seek forgiveness from Allah, as He will make us accountable, right? He is All-Forgiving and All-Merciful, but us, humans, struggle with being forgiving and merciful with our own family members.
Please find these lines from this article on our site:
All of us, at one point or another in our lives, have had an experience that frustrated us, made us upset, resentful, or angry.
The sources of difficulty might have been the words or actions of a family member or friend or the words or actions of a stranger. Based on the intensity of the pain or harm we perceive from such difficult moments or incidents, we sometimes find that it is not possible for us to move on, to overlook, or to look past the pain or hurt.
Even worse, we sometimes find it impossible to resume normal interactions with the individual or individuals who have caused us pain.
Forgiveness is the subsiding and ultimate elimination of feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment towards the individual or individuals who have caused us pain, followed by a resumption of normal interactions with the individual or individuals concerned.
And the author says:
As much as we would like to blame our inability to forgive on other people, claiming that we do not forgive because the other person or persons are so bad or unworthy of forgiveness, the reality is that not forgiving others is more a reflection about who we are and about our souls than it is about other people.
I kindly recommend reading the whole article, as it explains very well what we gain if we are able to forgive one another. I know that it was not your conflict, but it is you who are trying to find a possible solution and asking for advice.
So, as a conclusion, I would approach this situation with a full, open heart and understanding that you might disagree with your sister, but these disagreements can and should be reconciled. Islam very much emphasizes the importance of reconciliation, and those who help others can expect reward:
“And if two factions among the believers should fight, then make settlement between the two. But if one of them oppresses the other, then fight against the one that oppresses until it returns to the ordinance of Allāh. And if it returns, then make settlement between them in justice and act justly. Indeed, Allāh loves those who act justly.” Quran 49:9
“Fight against the one that oppresses UNTIL it returns to the ordinance of Allah.”
What can this mean in your situation?
Sister, I kindly advise you to talk to your younger sister with good faith. Ask what really bothers her and what she really would like to have: peace with her family or “payment” for the consequences.
Talk about what happened and try to be non-judgmental about her position. Did she “return to the ordinance of Allah?” i.e., did she repent and realize her wrongdoing in the situation?
You may have your own opinion, but try to understand hers too. And most importantly, what matters is that in the present, you can still forgive, reconcile, and have a good and loving family together.
If needed, you may seek further support from a family mediator or trustworthy member who can help you understand each other and restore peace between your siblings and the family.
I pray that you succeed. May Allah help you with that.
Read more:
- Struggling with a Toxic Family Member; Help!
- My Arrogant vs. Merciful Way of Imaan…Please Advise
- I’ve Hurt My Mum; How to Control Anger & Gain Back Her Trust?
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