My parents are divorced. I am living with my dad since then. My dad got married again. Initially everything was fine but since 2 years his wife is mentally touring me. Like cursing me, taking photographs of us without our knowledge without hijab. Though I completely stopped taking with her and getting involved in any of her matter, she still keep on bothering us. Now everytime we have arguments I couldn’t control my anger and starts shouting and this leading to severe shaking of hands and mental exhaustion. What should I do now? Is this among the people that I should keep ties with islamically? Do I have to take care of her and provide her if I am working?
Jazakallah
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Put aside your hurt and try to deal with it for the sake of Allah.
- If you are in a very sensitive relationship right now, you may involve a third person who can lead the conversation and help to control sentiments when needed.
- The best is to forgive each other and find a way to be friends and not enemies.
Salam alaikom, dear sister,
Thank you for writing to us.
You say that you do not get along well with the new wife of your father. Sometimes you cannot control your anger and shout at her, and this leads to mental exhaustion.
You say that she is cursing you, which is something that is not right and, in Islam, not permissible. Read more here.
Then you say that she is taking images of you without your permission when you do not wear a hijab. I am not sure how this happens, what her intentions are, or whether she is aware that you are not okay with taking those images.
You may kindly ask her not to take any images of you or keep them in private settings among mahrams, as you are more comfortable with that.
I understand that this can be frustrating, but at the same time, from your letter, it is not really clear what exactly the source of conflict between you is.
A possible misunderstanding?
Could this be a possible misunderstanding? Is it possible that you may have had a conflict with no resolution? Or are there any sentiments that should have been expressed and talked out but were suppressed?
What about trying to solve it and discuss it for the sake of Allah and for the sake of good family relationships?
You do not need to be best friends, and of course, she is not your mother either. I am not sure, but she may “bother you” because you completely ignore her, and that frustration leads to arguments between each other. And it seems that is not good for you either, as you burst out in anger towards her and feel exhausted.
Ignoring and suppressing conflicts won’t bring solutions and ease, sister. So I kindly advise you to put aside your hurt and try to deal with it for the sake of Allah.
Deal with it
Find a good and calm moment and try to talk to her, telling her that your intentions are good.
If she said something that hurt you, you may sit down and tell her in a respectful and kind manner that it affected you negatively.
At the same time, let her explain her feelings too.
If you think that the two of you are in a very sensitive relationship right now, you may involve a third person who can lead the conversation and help to control sentiments when needed.
Hopefully, there is a possibility of starting a new chapter that is better for both of you. If you gain more peace and are able to forgive each other, you may start to get closer to each other and understand each other better.
Forgive each other
She still won’t be your mother and does not have to fulfill that role, but you can have a correct and respectful relationship at home. So, try your best to forgive each other and find a way to be friends and not enemies.
If, despite these efforts, things don’t get better, you may talk to your father and ask him to help settle your misunderstandings.
May Allah make it easy for you,
Ameen
Read more:
- Help Me Navigate This World Obsessed with Beauty
- My Arrogant vs. Merciful Way of Imaan…Please Advise
- I’ve Hurt My Mum; How to Control Anger & Gain Back Her Trust?
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