Meanwhile, I love my parents and I respect them a lot. I have tried to convince them, make them understand but they are not listening to me. I don’t want to hurt my parents either. I cannot go with their choice because my parents are a polytheist, nor I can leave my husband. I love him so much. According to the Quran, we should be dutiful to our parents, but what if your parents are a polytheist and you cannot go with their choices and religion? I am very much confused because of my family relations. My parents are completely against me, but they are not harming me physically or mentally. I am scared that if I take any decision which hurts my parents’ emotions, it will affect my place in the hereafter. I need to answer Allah for this.
I don’t want to hurt anyone. Being a convert is a very difficult situation for me. I love Allah and my religion way too much. Please guide me.
In this counseling answer:
“Being married to someone is a big deal, and it should not be kept as a secret at all. You don’t deserve to have a secret marriage and your parents do not deserve to be lied to. The truth should be told. Maybe you can wait and tell them, but you should not hide it for too long.”
As Salaam Aleikom Sister,
Thank you for writing to us for advice. I will try my best to answer you, inshaAllah.
I can understand that you are going through a very hard time. It must be very stressful for you to face so much problem with your parents. I am glad to hear that you have converted to Islam and that you are respecting your family no matter how they treat your husband. Parents are the most important people in everyone’s life and we should always remember how much they have done for us when we were little and needed them the most. You should always respect them and be kind to them.
Your parents have a different faith and belief, and, of course, it will be very difficult for them to understand your faith Islam as it has completely opposite belief. It will be even harder for them to accept that you have changed your faith without telling them about it.
I believe you converted to Islam before you got married to your husband, and you should have known that it is important to have your parents’ consent before you get married to someone. However, please contact our Ask the Scholar section as well to know exactly what are the requirements of marriage in case the parents are non-Muslims.
Being secretly married is not going to remain a secret for very long, so it is better to just let them the truth. It’s not going to be easy for your parents to hear this, but unfortunately, you will have to do it sooner or later.
Whatever reaction they are going to have, you will have to be calm and not be angry towards them. Remember, you are a Muslim, and you should always treat them with good manner and respect. It will hurt them to hear the truth, but you cannot hide it forever. You should not have married your husband secretly, but what is done is done now, and there is no way back.
I am sorry to hear that your parents did black magic on your husband. It is not a very nice thing to do to someone. Maybe you should try to not talk too much about him with your parents for a while. Just change the atmosphere and make things calmer at home.
They are your parents, and they are going through a phase where they are feeling that their daughter is maybe manipulated by someone else. You have to understand that some parents are very protective of their daughters, especially girls in the culture you are from. It’s nothing wrong about that, but sometimes parents do not want to accept that their children are old enough to make their own decision in life.
You have made the right decision to follow the religion you think is right, and now you should be strong enough to stand by it and face your parents. I am not saying that you should disrespect them in any form. You should tell them the truth. They deserve to know it.
Being married to someone is a big deal, and it should not be kept as a secret at all. You don’t deserve to have a secret marriage and your parents do not deserve to be lied to. The truth should be told. Maybe you can wait and tell them, but you should not hide it for too long.
Find the right time and place to talk about it to your parents. I am not saying that it is going to be easy, but it has to come out sooner or later.
Check out this counseling video:
Do you have any sisters or brothers? If you do, I suggest that you can start off by talking to them first. It is not always easy to face parents. It can help to tell someone close family or relative and make them understand your situation. When you have more support from someone in your family, you will naturally feel more confident and ready to talk to your parents about your situation.
I hope your husband’s family know about your marriage. Having a strong support and understanding from your husband is really important to have. He is the one who is supposed to take care of you and make sure you are ok. Talk to him about it and tell him what is worrying you so much. Include him in your problem and never be alone about it. You both made the decision to get married together, and you should both be supportive of each other now. He should be there for you and you should be there for him whenever there is something. Talk together and make a solution to this problem.
May Allah guide you both and make things easier for you,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.