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How to Tell My Hindu Mom That I’m a Muslim?

06 December, 2017
Q I am a revert from India. It’s been two years since I converted alhamdulillah. My question is, my family is very dear to me, especially my mother. Her journey through life until now was not an easy one and it’s still not. She finds it hard to let me go to have my own life. Although I study and stay in a hostel, every now and then she wants me home just to be with me, and I love to be with her, too, but that means missing my prayers which I don’t want. She has noticed changes in my dressing and questions me about it but has no idea about me praying and that I became a Muslim. I care for her so much but at the same time I am done living a life in two different ways. I am not able to cover my head because me being a Muslim is still not public. How can I tell her about this? And I want to get married, too. I am 25 but who will marry me? I have rejected several proposals with lame excuses in order to delay and protect my mother from harm, physical and mental, but I am done now. I thought it could wait until my studies are over, get a job and then tell my mother everything. But that means another one year of missing prayers and not covering my head. I don't want that. I want to become a Muslim – in all possible ways. And there aren't any proposals anymore. I have no proper guardian to find me a partner. I hope if I have someone to support me then in sha’ Allah I can face the situation in a better way. I am very scared with things happening in India. It is just getting worse. What if I won’t ever get married? Will I be alone? Will I be able to take care of my mother and in sha’ Allah one day help her to find the right path, too? JazakAllah khayran.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

“Your mom may be angry and hurt for awhile, but her reaction may be the same even if you waited until your studies were completed. As mothers do know their daughters, your mom probably already knows you have reverted to Islam anyhow and is just waiting for your confirmation. Perhaps her reaction will surprise you, and she will be reluctantly accepting. Make du’aa’ to Allah before you tell her (if you decide to) and ask that He grants you ease and your mother’s acceptance of your reversion.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing us. From what I understand dear sister, yes, things are very difficult in some parts of India for Muslims. While it may hurt your mother emotionally that you are Muslim, it is recommended in sha’ Allah that you do tell her so that you do not live a double life. Telling her will enable you to pray and live as a Muslim, even if it means that only your mom will know, depending on the political environment.

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Your mom may be angry and hurt for awhile, but her reaction may be the same even if you waited until your studies were completed. As mothers do know their daughters, your mom probably already knows you have reverted to Islam anyhow and is just waiting for your confirmation. Perhaps her reaction will surprise you, and she will be reluctantly accepting. Make du’aa’ to Allah before you tell her (if you decide to) and ask that He grants you ease and your mother’s acceptance of your reversion. As you and your mom love each other very much and seem to have a close relationship, perhaps this will outweigh any religious/cultural belief systems to wish she subscribes.

With that being said, I suggest this only if there is no danger to you or your family. While I do not know where in India you live, I know some areas are dangerous for Muslims. According to The Muslim Observer “As Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi maintains his silence over the recent controversy on Hindu conversions, Muslims in the sub-continent feel vulnerable with hardcore Hindu groups holding such ceremonies to target minorities in different parts of the country.”; and “the government must take a strong stand against communal forces. Narendra Modi should issue a statement so that Muslims may feel more secure. His silence on controversial issues creates suspicion about his intentions”. With this understanding, I do urge you to proceed with caution.

As far as getting married, sister, you are still young, and a relatively new Muslim. Please take time to study Islam, build up a network of Islamic friends and activities and ensure you are grounded in your Islamic community. Attend your local masjid and get to know your community. They will in sha’ Allah provide much support dear sister as well as assistance when you feel you are ready to be married. The imam would in sha’ Allah act as your Wali. As a Muslim, have trust in Allah that you will be able to help your mom, and that one day, she too will see the beautiful light of Islam.

You are in our prayers. Please let us know how you are doing.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.