Jealousy & Backbiting: I Want to Change Myself

07 November, 2016
Q I want to keep my heart clean from gossiping and backbiting. Alhamdulillah, I have everything good in life, except that we don’t have a child. I've been married for 4 years but due to having no baby, I get irritated and jealous of other people and start backbiting. I want to change this attitude of mine. I pray a lot to Allah to change me to become a religious person who only minds her own business! Can you help me?



As Salaamu ‘Alaikum my dear sister in Islam,

Thank you for asking your question. It shows that you want to do good!

The cure for sin is repentance and doing good, charitable acts. The prevention for sin is remembrance of Allah (swt) and seeking knowledge of Islam.

Also, surround yourself with righteous companions who talk about Allah (swt), and who do good deeds, so you can join them in those activities. Also, people who study and repent and reflect upon the Names and Attributes of Allah (swt) and strive to find out how to please Allah (swt) when you keep company with them, their worlds “rub off on you”—like the smell of musk. When you leave the company of people who smell good, you can still smell their smell on you. Bad people’s worlds rub off on you too like soot from a fire – even if you try not to touch it, it still gets on you somehow. (a hadith, paraphrased) Good companions also will not want to hear backbiting and will suggest that you stop doing it, if you say wrong things in front of them—to save your soul.

If you can surround yourself with Allah’s (swt) Book and The Prophet’s (saw) teachings and Muslims who are humble and so speak things which cause you to remember Allah (swt) and how to serve Him (swt), you should be able to reinvent your world so that it is in not about the evil, worldly things, like false pride (which is what backbiting gives us).

May Allah (swt) make it easy for you and help you accept your repentance and purify your heart to be one of kindness and forgiveness for others! May He (swt) give you children, and if not, give you the patience to see how to live a good life in His (swt) service without having children of your own (and there are a lot of orphans who need homes!)



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About Nasira S. Abdul-Aleem
Nasira S. Abdul-Aleem, an American, has a BA in English from UC Berkeley and is about to receive an MS degree in counseling psychology (Marriage and Family Therapy - MFT) from the Western Institute for Social Research. For over ten years, Nasira worked as a psychotherapist with the general public and in addiction recovery.For the last few years, she has been a life coach specializing in interpersonal relations. Nasira also consults with her many family members who studied Islam overseas and returned to America to be Imams and teachers of Islam. Muslims often ask Nasira what psychology has to do with Islam. To this, she replies that Islam is the manifestation of a correct understanding of our psychology. Therapists and life coaches help clients figure out how to traverse the path of life as a Believer, i.e., "from darkness into light", based on Islam and given that that path is an obstacle course, according to Allah.