I have 2 children and a husband. I am cooking, cleaning, doing all the household chores. I was so happy. Why do I feel this way now?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Try to determine why it is that you suddenly quit your studies.
• Look at your current state of stress levels, assess your lifestyle to determine if it is healthy and optimal.
• Ensure you have adequate supports around you, and tune out negative talk and advice from others insha’Allah.
• Examine your self-esteem, self-confidence, and levels of fear. Address these as needed.
• Insha’Allah once you have worked through these possible interferences, set up a balanced family-study schedule, and re-enroll in your courses if you still desire to do so.
• Please remember you deserve to be happy. Allah wants you to be happy.
As salamu Alaykum,
Thank you for trusting us with your concerns and feelings. As you indicated, you were in school for nursing.
You were happy, then you suddenly quit going for your studies.
You are wondering why you decided to quit if you were so happy.
Losing an Element of Happiness
I can imagine that you feel very sad as well as feeling that a part of you is missing.
After all, you were very happy about going to school to study nursing.
Now, when you wake up and begin your day, you do not have that to look forward to.
Often, when we no longer have something in our lives that once brought happiness, we realize the void it creates and we long for it.
Listening to Others
As you “suddenly” quit school, I am wondering if there are others in your life who were saying negative things such as “you can’t raise a family and go to school, you will fail, your family will suffer, it is too much you won’t be able to handle it, you need to quit’, and so on.
Sometimes others’ negative input causes us to either consciously or subconsciously think about what they are saying.
We might not think their opinions affect us, but sometimes they do. This may in part explain why you “suddenly” quit.
You may have felt strong self-doubt at that moment and withdrew from the college.
While this has nothing to do with your actual abilities, feelings or goals, it may have been a rash decision made based on subliminal messages you were getting from others close to you, or from society.
Studying, Career, and Family
It is true that pursuing a course of study is rigorous when raising a family, but it is not impossible.
Many do it successfully. Allah created us with abilities and strengths as well as support systems in place such as family and friends to help should things get difficult.
In fact, that is what families/friends are for in part: to be a support to each other out of love.
Please, look at your support system and determine if you actually did have these supports in place, or did you feel all alone.
Was your spouse supportive? Did he help around the home? Studying, having a career and raising a family is a balancing act that requires one to practice self-care as a core element of stamina.
Stress and Fatigue
Any number of activities can cause stress and fatigue.
Balancing many responsibilities (or even one) can take a toll on your time and emotional resources.
So, please insha’Allah, examine your stress levels as well as your lifestyle in terms of getting proper sleep, eating healthy, and having an exercise regime.
All of these things are important for success in stressful situations, whether it is going to school, working, caring for a sick loved one, or taking care of an elderly parent.
Perhaps you were under stress that was unrecognized and one day you just decided to stop your studies.
You may not have consciously known why, but perhaps you were suffering from mental or physical fatigue.
Stress and fatigue are common elements in life when we have responsibilities. Recognizing it and managing it well are the keys to overcoming it.
Reasons for Quitting
You state that you were very happy to be studying. I am sure that you were! However, something caused you to suddenly quit your studies and now you are wondering why.
I kindly ask you insha’Allah to make a list of possible reasons.
You gave a few examples of some of the responsibilities you had, but you did not say you were unhappy in any of them.
You said you felt that maybe you could not concentrate on your studies, but you did not say you could not.
Perhaps making a list of possible reasons may give you insight as to why you did quit.
Perhaps it was fear. Maybe it was too stressful. Maybe you did not have a self-care plan in place.
Maybe you did not have a family support system and felt alone – despite feeling happy about school.
Perhaps you were hearing negative opinions about your attending school.
You thought you could ignore these statements and advise but later resulted in your quitting.
Please, do look at all these factors when making a list of possible reasons for your quitting your studies.
Once you have identified a reason, you will insha’Allah find a solution.
Happiness
Happiness and self-fulfillment are important aspects of life.
Yes, we do have responsibilities, which vary from person to person.
However, each one of us has the right to personal happiness. Often times, fear can prevent us from being happy or doing things that make us happy.
It can be fear of failure, fear of what others think or even fear of success.
Low self-esteem or lack of confidence can also prevent us from seeking the things that make us happy.
Also, we may feel we don’t deserve to be happy, or that our happiness will not last.
There are many things and reasons that can keep us from doing things that make us happy.
It is important to understand what it is that is preventing us from doing something that brings happiness, as we can only move fully forward when we have clarity.
Happiness involves clarity of purpose as happiness can give us a purpose in life.
For instance, when we have children, our children bring us happiness and thus are a purpose in our lives.
As we strive to take care of them, it may also bring stress. But at the heart of it is joy and happiness. We have clarity.
The same concept of clarity pertains to feeling happy about your studies.
When you clarify what is getting in the way of your happiness, you can begin to address it, remove the known and hidden obstacles and move forward.
Resolving & Pursing
Insha’Allah you can determine why it is that you quit and if there is a viable solution to address that reason.
Insha’Allah, you will be able to move forward. Once you remove the barriers to something that made you happy (studying nursing), the next step would be to see if you can re-enroll in classes.
Knowing why we refrain from certain things that bring us happiness such as going to school, turning down a promotion, not going to an event, and so forth, is important in terms of our future happiness.
If we get in the habit of not doing, stopping or not engaging in things that bring us happiness without a good, solid reason, we are setting ourselves up for an unhappy life.
By actively pursuing the gifts in this life which bring happiness and resolving the issues that stand in our way, we can live fully engaged in authentic activities.
Conclusion
Insha’Allah, please try to determine why it is that you suddenly quit your studies.
Look at your current state of stress levels, assess your lifestyle to determine if it is healthy and optimal.
Ensure you have adequate supports around you, and tune out negative talk and advice from others insha’Allah.
Examine your self-esteem, self-confidence, and levels of fear. Address these as needed.
Insha’Allah once you have worked through these possible interferences, set up a balanced family-study schedule, and re-enroll in your courses if you still desire to do so.
Insha’Allah, please remember you deserve to be happy. Allah wants you to be happy.
Allah did not create you to live in a life that is unfulfilled. You were blessed to be accepted into the program. I
Insha’Allah, you will one day be a nurse who helps others, saves lives, and makes people smile.
It is an important calling from Allah swt to help others, insha’Allah, you will return to your studies!
We wish you the best.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.