I Hate Being a Quiet Introvert

27 March, 2021
Q I am very quiet in nature. I am working as an engineer. In the office or at social gatherings, I prefer keeping quiet. Even if someone speaks rudely with me, I don't reply back. Nowadays, I am getting tensed that I am not so active and people don’t like me. Is it normal to be a person with quiet nature who doesn’t reply back and just keep being patient? This affects my personal as well as my professional life. I cannot defend myself in front of anyone and this bothers me a lot!

Answer


In this counseling answer:

“We all may have certain traits by ‘nature’, whether they be introverted or extroverted. The key is that although we may have these traits by nature, we can manage them in a way they do not affect our personal and professional life negatively, and we develop other traits that ensure we are balanced.”


Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question. I think there are two separate issues here to cover. One is inherent characteristics or a type of ‘nature’ that we are born with and/or were nurtured into, and the other is traits that we purposely adopt because they are good traits.

Suppport AboutIslam.net

In your case, you mentioned that by nature you are very quiet, or what we may call an ‘introvert’. First, yes, it is normal to be someone who is quieter in nature. In fact, there can be great advantages of having this trait because usually, it means that you think more than you speak. The challenge is that in some societies, one needs to be outspoken and social to find more opportunities and in some cases to even advocate for their rights. Unfortunately, some societies do not realize the value of introverts, whereas Susan Cain in her book on “The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking” (A Tedtalk is also available) discusses many advantages that introverts have, so I would recommend you that as a resource to read/watch.
The second point here is traits that we adopt and are good for us – like patience. Patience is a beautiful trait that is mentioned a multitude of times in the Quran. For you to show patience when someone speaks to you rudely is truly a noble trait. However, Allah (swt) also tells us that we should not harm others or be harmed, so I would encourage you to develop your assertiveness skills and increase your self-esteem so that you do not become a victim of bullying or harassment. This article includes 5 steps to increase your assertiveness which includes starting small, learning to say no, letting go of guilt, expressing your needs and feelings, and checking out other resources on assertiveness.

In conclusion, my dear sister, we all may have certain traits by ‘nature’, whether they be introverted or extroverted. The key is that although we may have these traits by nature, we can manage them in a way they do not affect our personal and professional life negatively, and we develop other traits that ensure we are balanced. So in this case, since you are quiet in nature, I would encourage you to develop your assertiveness skills while, of course, remembering the great value of the trait of patience that you have been blessed with. Don’t forget to ask Allah (swt) to make things easy for you and to always hold the best for you.

Salam,

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About Um Hadi
Um Hadi has BA in Psychology & Education and acquired certifications in Leadership, Life Coaching, Adults Training, and Relationship Coaching. She is currently completing her Masters in Educational Leadership.