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Why Am I So Moody & Sensitive?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Feb 08, 2017

Question

As-Salam Alaikum. I am a 17 years old girl from India. I am a bit moody since my childhood. I get too sentimental over small issues, and I get hurt very easily. I become too overwhelmed with anxiety and cry very easily and often on silly things. I don’t want to do so, but whenever I see someone crying in reality or in television, I hardly can resist my tears most of the time. I get nervous and stressed unnecessarily when I have exams or in general when meeting authorities and teachers. I find many times tears coming down in such situations. I am unable to control myself. I don’t know why. This makes it difficult for me to carry myself. I often, knowingly or unknowingly, behave rudely towards my parents, even if I don’t want to do so. I later regret and make tawbah. Sometimes, I need to detach myself from everything for some time. This creates misunderstanding with people around me, and my mom often accuses me to destroy the peace of home, and she says I am too sensitive to handle things. But I really don’t intend to do so. Am I sinful? Please advise me. Do I need to see a psychiatrist? Please help. Thank You.

Counselor

Answer


Why Am I So Moody & Sensitive?

Answer:

Wa ’Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

Thank you for asking this very important question! No, you are not a sinful person. Sinful people are full of sin; they prefer sin to righteousness. You, like all of us, sometimes commit sins unwittingly or out of weakness. A sinful person loves to live a life of wrongdoing, a life that is not according to Allah’s (swt) laws. Sinful people are kuffar/kafir.

The word kafir comes from the word that means “to cover” or “hide”, like a farmer hides a seed by covering it with dirt. A kafir is an unbeliever because s/he covers the truth with lies and/or deceit. Lying is false information, deceit is the absence of information to guide a person away from the truth by not saying something needed to be said for a person to understand a situation properly. A kafir hides the fact that we were created (not of our own accord), and they lie that our provision comes from our own hands (not our Creator’s). They delude themselves and others about their power.

You, on the other hand, feel guilty about your problems, e.g., being rude to your parent or disrupting the peace (unintentionally). That proves that your heart is not that of a sinful person, but is the opposite. You care about others, you do not want to do injustice(s) out of arrogance and/or the pleasure of seeing others suffer. You are afraid to disobey Allah (swt). So, now, is being super sensitive a sin? No!

The Prophet (saw) was super sensitive. He (saw) cared more than any of us about other people’s feelings, and pains, and rights. He worried more about his own behavior than any of us ever have, out of taqwa (fear of/awareness of our duty to Allah). However, the difference between his behavior and yours (ours) is something called “acting out”. We make a big scene. He (saw) did not “act out” his feelings by making a big scene. He would tell people how he (saw) felt without making the whole world turn its head and ask, “What is wrong with that person?”

“Acting out” is acting out how we feel instead of saying it. We play charades about our feelings. To express ourselves when we do not know how to express ourselves, we do that to get a response. We need a response because we need answers. By crying or getting loud, we get the attention of the people who we want to listen to us or understand us. However, it is the way of immaturity; we still cry to communicate because we do not have words yet. Babies and small children “act out” their feelings because they do not have words yet.

That is not to say that crying is not very good in some situations. It is very good in many situation as it is not always “acting out”!

So, my recommendation to you is: you cannot control what other people do. Therefore, you need to start having your own internal dialogue with yourself. First, when you feel overwhelmed with feeling, ask yourself what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Start to become conscious of what it is you need and/or want, and why you feel that way. Then, try to verbalize it—to yourself and Allah (swt). Ask Allah (swt) to guide you about the source of your feelings and how you should respond to them. A good way to process them is setting up a task that will solve the issue that produced them. When we feel that we can do nothing, that is when we automatically cry—out of frustration. Sometimes we can do nothing, then we have to learn to leave it in Allah’s (swt) hands and trust in Allah (swt) that He (swt) will resolve it in this life or the next.

Sometimes others can help with their different perspective or knowledge of Islam. So go and talk to your parents, or a friend, or a teacher, or someone else you feel comfortable with.

You need to go down a path of understanding of your feelings and how they can be resolved so that you can live at peace with them instead of them threatening you with confusion and/or fear and/or too much pain for you to handle.

Lastly, of course, it is wrong to be rude to your mother. So, ask Allah (swt) to guide you as to why you did that. what did you need to communicate to your parent? What were you trying to say that you could not say so you “acted it out”? Make tawba (repentance) too, and ask your parent to forgive you!

May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.  

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About Nasira S. Abdul-Aleem

Nasira S. Abdul-Aleem, an American, has a BA in English from UC Berkeley and is about to receive an MS degree in counseling psychology (Marriage and Family Therapy - MFT) from the Western Institute for Social Research. For over ten years, Nasira worked as a psychotherapist with the general public and in addiction recovery. For the last few years, she has been a life coach specializing in interpersonal relations. Nasira also consults with her many family members who studied Islam overseas and returned to America to be Imams and teachers of Islam. Muslims often ask Nasira what psychology has to do with Islam. To this, she replies that Islam is the manifestation of a correct understanding of our psychology. Therapists and life coaches help clients figure out how to traverse the path of life as a Believer, i.e., "from darkness into light", based on Islam and given that that path is an obstacle course, according to Allah.

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