My wife and I had a quarrel. I am not in favor with her work which, indirectly, deals with alcohol. She’s in the F&B industry.
She shouted at me in public multiple times. The last straw was when she told me “who am I to guide her.” She has left the house since then. Apparently, nothing is working out for us.
Should I divorce her?
In this counseling answer:
•Marriage is a valued institution in Islam. We must do our best to protect it first before making such an extreme decision.
•Understand why she feels this way.
•Seek counseling or religious intervention ideally to educate her on the dangers of her job.
•Support her and help her in finding a new job that is more suitable.
•If you try all these things and she seems to have no inclination to change, you could walk away knowing that for the sake of your marriage and Allah you have done everything you can.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
May Allah reward you for trying to take your wife away from something that is not permitted in Islam. I’m sure as her husband that you are only looking out for her and her faith and are aware that her job will not serve in her favor on the Day of Judgment. As her spouse, you would also be held accountable for warning her. So, to guide her away from it is the correct thing to do.
It is unfortunate that she is not taking this so well as has even gone as far as publicly rebuking you for your actions.
Of course, if she refuses to change, you have the grounds for divorce. However, marriage is a valued institution in Islam. We must do our best to protect it first before making such an extreme decision. Therefore, it is suggested that you take some other steps that might help resolve the situation and your marriage first.
Understand why she feels this way. Sympathize with her about the prospect of leaving a job that she feels well settled it. However, let her know that you fear for how Allah will judge her for doing what she is doing. Let her know that it is not about you trying to control her, but it’s about you wanting what’s best for her.
Seek counselling or religious intervention ideally to educate her on the dangers of her job. Perhaps hearing such from a scholar will convince her more. This is something you can do together so that she can feel like you are supporting her.
Once she comes to realize the unfavorable nature of her job, perhaps she will make the decision to leave herself.
Clearly she feels like you are pushing her around and she doesn’t like that. Even though you are doing it for her benefit, she seems to be taking it in a less caring way. It seems she doesn’t want to feel someone is making this choice for her, so if she can be encouraged to do so of her own volition, then in sha Allah she will step down from her job with without a fight.
Support her and help her in finding a new job that is more suitable. Finding a job and going through interviews can be pretty stressful, so its little wonder she wants to avoid going through all that. However, if you show her some support, help her with the job hunt. It will ease this burden for her as well as letting her know that you are with her, supporting her through this difficult time. This will be good not only for her, but also in building relations between you.
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If you try all these things and she seems to have no inclination to change, you could walk away knowing that for the sake of your marriage and Allah you have done everything you can.
Many spouses may ignore such matters for the sake of peace in their marriage, but for the sake of pleasing Allah you are speaking up on the matter.
May Allah reward your persistence for His sake.
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