Answer
In this counseling answer:
• This problem could be due to cultural norms/expectations, health issues, mental health issues, stress, feelings of shame.
• Both of you should strive to have a close relationship in which the both of you value each other’s feelings and interests.
• Have an actual conversation in which the both of you exchange thoughts, ideas, and feelings.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Brother,
Thank you for sending us your question. May Allah (swt) bless your family and grant you all happiness and success in this life and the next.
From your written question, it appears that your wife constantly rejects having sexual intercourse with you. Her rejections make you feel hurt and frustrated which is certainly understandable. My question to you is: have you asked your wife why she keeps rejecting intercourse? Have you let her know how you feel whenever she rejects you? Nothing can be solved unless the both of you are open and honest with each other.
As husband and wife, both of you should strive to have a close relationship in which the both of you value each other’s feelings and interests. How close are you to your wife? Do you both spend quality time together? Do you both spend enjoyable leisure time together? I understand that in many cultures/traditions around the world the husband and wife either lead separate lives or have a somewhat emotionally distant relationship because that is what is expected in those cultures. Certainly, I could be wrong in your situation, but if that is a reality within your relationship, then maybe it is time to change that to better suit your needs and desires. Maybe your wife desires this as well since you have noticed that your wife does enjoy sex, despite her continuous rejection.
There may be a variety of reasons why your wife constantly rejects sex. It could be due to cultural norms/expectations, health issues, mental health issues, stress, feelings of shame, etc. She would be the only person who can answer that question, and you would be the only person now who can ask her.
Please, do not shy away from being open with your wife about sex or anything else that comes up in your relationship. Have an actual conversation in which the both of you exchange thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Do not let your “conversation” suddenly end after two sentences just because either one of you is too shy or too uncomfortable to continue. Strive to make your relationship not only sexually satisfying but also emotionally satisfying by maintaining open and honest communication between the both of you.
I ask Allah (swt) to help the both of you overcome whatever obstacles you may face as a couple and grant you peace and happiness.
Salam,
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