Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu `Alaikum,
It is a difficult decision to make when one finds one’s self in such circumstances. One can assume many things simply because a potential spouse is of the same nationality and religion. Being raised in a totally different social environment can make all the difference, or none at all depending on one’s orientation. Equally, it is not necessarily the case that because one is raised in a totally different environment from one’s parents, one will differ completely from the socio-cultural environment of one’s origins. Often, the determining factor is the way in which one has been raised.
It would be all too easy to say that well, your child is very young, so there is nothing to stop you from taking him and going back home. But as a practicing Muslim, we are encouraged to consider our actions which involve others. Your son has a right to know his father and his father has a right to know him and to be responsible for him.
“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives…” (Quran, 4:135)
When we share our concerns with our parents, we should be mindful that even though they have a right over their child, you made your choice and married this man, your husband. This makes you accountable to your husband, your son, your parents, yourself as well as Allah (swt).
Whereas your husband has grown up in a culture whereby freedom has no visible price tag, in Islam, freedom comes with responsibilities. This I am sure you already know, otherwise, you would not be in such conflict over what to do. This is also compounded by not having any social support mechanism other than your husband and his family who laid the foundation of his upbringing.
You say that you have no friends. It would seem that apart from your work, you have little scope for socializing with other than your in-laws and your husband. His friends are out of the question even if they did not drink. Unaware of which part of the country you live, it would be difficult to direct you, but I can assure you that there is a community there that you can relate to on cultural and religious grounds.
Despite this, I would urge you to start attending mosque regularly because, in this way, you are bound to meet more people who are practicing if they are not closer to you culturally. With time, you might be able to feel a difference and less like a stranger, in sha’ Allah.
As far as your husband’s behavior is concerned, much might depend on you if he has any hope of changing. As trying as your husband might be, only Allah (swt) can guide him back to the right path.
Yes, I know you have done your best, but sometimes confrontation is not a viable option for someone who is weak. Sometimes, being the example of what you want him to become has much more influence.
The Prophet (saw) used to do the same thing himself, teaching the Muslims how to build a society based on pure love and brotherhood.
Mu`adh reported: The Messenger of Allah (saw) took hold of my hand and said, “O Mu’adh! By Allah I love you, so I advise you to never forget to recite after every prayer: “Allahumma a’inni ala dhikrika, wa shukrika, wa husni ‘ibadatika (O Allah, help me remember You, to be grateful to You, and to worship You in an excellent manner).” (Abi Dawud)
“By Him in Whose Hand my soul is! You will not enter Jannah until you believe, and you shall not believe until you love one another. May I inform you of something, if you do, you love each other. Promote greeting amongst you (by saying As-salamu ‘alaikum to one another)”. (Muslim)
Make du`aa’ for your husband regularly. When you begin to see some change, in sha`Allah, approach him about visiting your family together.
Hope this helps,