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Husband Thinks It’s OK to Watch Porn

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 30, 2019

Question

I am really desperate. This is my second marriage. My husband was really good in the first few months, then he started dating and watching online porn and other stuff.

He is always angry. I am really tired as we argue every night. I have tried and tried to help him, but he thinks it ok to watch porn. Please help.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Thinks It’s OK to Watch Porn

In this counseling answer:

• You can begin with indirect encouragement on the path of Islam in a way that he will desire to change his behavior by himself.

• Encourage him to get closer to Allah by inviting him to join you in salah, reading Quran together or fasting.

• An alternative approach is to ask for the intervention from others.


Assalamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

It is a shame that what started out well has turned sour. It seems that your husband thinks that some of the haram things he is engaging in are ok. They are not. Porn is haram and so is slapping your spouse and fornication over other women. Unfortunately, your efforts have not made any difference, only resulting in further fights and arguments.

If your words are not helping, then you can try some other tactics. Firstly, you can begin with indirect encouragement. Rather than telling him directly that it’s wrong, which may actually be counterproductive if he sees it as you ‘nagging’, try instead encouraging him on the path of Islam in a way that he will desire to change his behavior by himself.

 

For example, don’t talk to him directly about what he’s doing but encourage him to get closer to Allah by inviting him to join you in salah, reading Quran together or fasting. This will help him to get closer to Allah gradually. As he gets closer to Allah, he will come to feel uncomfortable doing things that he knows to be displeasing to Allah, or even sinful. The added benefit of this approach is that he will make the changes himself without feeling like you are forcing it upon him. Changes made in this way or more likely to produce lasting change as they are done of his own volition.Husband Thinks It's OK to Watch Porn - About Islam

An alternative approach is to ask for the intervention from others. Again, this could be directly or indirectly. For example, you may ask someone who he respects to talk to him about it and let him know honestly about the dangers of what he is doing. Perhaps if this comes from the local imam or a close family member, he will be more receptive to the message and more likely to take heed.

However, there is the risk that this will upset things between you and him for talking about it outside. Therefore, you could say it in private to an imam who may include it in his weekly khutbah, for example, to which your husband can hear the message without it being directed specifically to him.


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Alternatively, like with the first suggestion, relying on the positive influence of others, as well as yourself may be helpful. Again, help him to overcome his problem indirectly by strengthening his relationship with Allah to the point that he will self-direct himself away from haram. You can do this by ensuring he is in good company; the company of those who don’t engage in watching porn or fornication, who instead spend their time doing more meaningful things seeking the pleasure of Allah.

Invite good friends with their husbands to your house for dinner, for example. Again, this will work in the same way as you encourage him on the path of Islam and strengthen his relationship with Allah that he will abandon haram without question.

May Allah reward your efforts and guide your husband aright.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

When I Feel Depressed, I Watch Porn

Purify Your Gaze: Muslims Healing from Porn Addiction

Got a Cheating Spouse? Here Is What To Do




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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