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A Gambler Is Destroying My Life

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 11, 2018

Question

As-salamu `alaykum. My sister’s husband has not worked for more than four years. He only wants work that will provide lots of money quickly; a regular job is out of the question. He has all the symptoms of a gambler. He stole money from her purse, signed her checks fraudulently and he basically ruined her financially.

He becomes very angry and violent when confronted with the issue. He isolated himself from his family and wants my sister to become isolated from hers. He blames my sister and her family for all his problems, and my sister believes him sometimes. My sister is a serious financial provider to her family (4 year old daughter), pious, naïve, and has a great character.

All my family and her husband’s family are telling her that she needs to leave him. What is your suggestion?

Counselor

Answer


A Gambler Is Destroying My Life

In this counseling answer:

All attempts at correcting his behavior must be exhausted before the marriage is dissolved. If he is remorseful and puts forward a substantial plan for how he is going to change (i.e. getting a job, providing for the family, etc.), then, in sha’ Allah, there is no reason to consider divorce. Your family should continue to provide support to your sister despite her husband’s protests.


As-Salamu `Alaykum, 

We thank you so much for your concern regarding your sister’s well-being. Actually, this situation is best handled by having your sister confront her husband directly. If she has supported him and provided for him for the past four years, she is to be commended for that and will, in sha’Allah, be rewarded by Allah (swt) Most High for her efforts. However, the reality is that if she wants the situation to change, she has to be honest with herself when she answers the question: should I continue to remain married to this man?

Based on what you have written to us, it is clear that your brother-in-law has transgressed the limits set forth in Islam as to the roles and responsibilities of the husband. If anything, he has not only failed to fulfill his responsibilities, but according to what you have written, he has also committed sins such as stealing and gambling.

We would urge you to appeal to your sister to not delay confronting this matter head-on. She needs to take control of not only her own marriage but also the future of her child, who needs to have a father and a role model. At this point, again based on what you have written, this man’s presence is detrimental to the family’s functioning and well-being.

Of course, all attempts at correcting his behavior must be exhausted before the marriage is dissolved. If he is remorseful and puts forward a substantial plan for how he is going to change (i.e. getting a job, providing for the family, etc.), then, in sha’ Allah, there is no reason to consider divorce. Your family should continue to provide support to your sister despite her husband’s protests.

In the end, your sister should make the Istikharah Prayer (supplication for guidance) and seek Allah’s (swt) guidance to grant her what is best for her faith, family, and future.

Allah (swt) knows best,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

I Was Gambling, Taking Drugs & Womanizing! What Changed? Muslim Revert

Is Betting On A Horse Race A Form Of Gambling?

How to Help Husband with Gambling Problems?

 




About `Abdullah ibn Abdulrahman ibn Jibreen

The late member of the Permanent Committee for Islamic Research and Issuing Fatwas

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