The people started to believe them and verbally abused me.
How can I defend myself? Now I suffer from depression, anxiety, and grieves. I am basically sitting at home for 2 years.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Build up your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Seek counseling to deal with the depression and anxiety that has been a result of this treatment.
Pray to Allah for ease, protection, and strength.
Know that this will pass, but know that you must take steps forward and not let the sinful behaviors of others affect nor harm you.
***
As-Salamu Alaykum,
I’m sorry to hear that you feel you’re being disrespected in your neighborhood. I can imagine this must feel really horrible for you.
As we know, backbiting is a huge sin. Those that are backbiting and gossiping about you obviously have no fear of Allah nor any remorse for their lies and abuse. However, Allah will deal with these people.
’O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” Qur’an 49:12
Getting Counseling
In the meantime, I kindly suggest that you engage in ongoing counseling for the depression and anxiety that you are experiencing.
Even if it is a result of the gossiping and backbiting that has been going on, it still needs to be addressed.
In sha Allah, you will see the benefits from counseling.
Examine your Attributes and Good Points
I also kindly suggest that you start examining your attributes and good points and reviewing them daily. You may want to write them in a notebook or journal so you can review them easily.
By looking at your good points daily, you can start to negate the wrong things that are being said about you, start to overcome any feelings of shame, inadequacy, or fear.
By strengthing your self-esteem and self-confidence, you are building yourself up internally.
Appreciation for Self
By correcting negative thoughts internally you can then begin to see how wonderful a person you are and begin to appreciate what a fine person you are.
When one appreciates themselves and has a solid sense of self, it makes it easier to confront and negate things like you have been experiencing.
Between counseling and increasing your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth, you will be able to go back outside in the world again in sha Allah, holding your head high.
Outcomes of Backbiting
There is nothing worse than backbiting it is very harmful and hurtful.
One of the devastating outcomes is that some people feel so bad that they become reclusive as you have.
In a way that is giving the people who are doing this backbiting a winning card.
This is to means that instead of ignoring them and holding your head high and continuing on with your life and business, you have let them overcome you with their lies, and you have retreated.
Do Not Let Them Win!
Bullies liars and backbiters love nothing more than to cause chaos in other people’s lives. Insha Allah does not let them do it any longer!
I know it may feel uncomfortable to start being proactive and getting your life back but you can do it. I have full confidence in you.
Once you take the first few steps towards resolving this, in sha Allah the rest will come easy.
Handling Backbiting/Gossip
In sha Allah please be strong in your resolve about who you are. Never let what anybody says deter you from being the great person that you are.
When someone backbites or lies about you, you may choose to ignore it and carry on with your life, or you may choose to confront the person and ask them why are they spreading these lies.
Usually, when you ignore people like this and go on with your life the gossiping and backbiting die down.
This is usually due to the fact that they are no longer getting a response from the victim whom they are backbiting about.
The best outcome and the best conclusion is from Allah who sees and hears everything.
You’re part of the equation however lies in not succumbing to this abuse, standing up strong and firm, taking account of all your good points, and not letting the backbiting get to you.
This may be hard at first, but when done over and over, it becomes second nature, and the only opinion about you that will matter is Allah’s.
Conclusion
Build up your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Seek counseling to deal with the depression and anxiety that has been a result of this treatment.
Pray to Allah for ease, protection, and strength.
Know that this will pass, but know that you must take steps forward and not let the sinful behaviors of others affect nor harm you.
Allah is your protection and mercy and…the truth always comes out sooner or later!
We wish you the best,
***
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