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I Slept with My Cousin’s Wife; I Feel Guilty

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 22, 2019

Question

Good evening. I slept with my cousin’s wife 8 years ago. Then I was 19 years. Now I am 27 and married and I have a son.

I feel very sad and bad about the sin I committed. Any time I think about it, I feel ashamed. I feel I have betrayed my cousin. It has never happened again since then. I visit them once in a while.

Please advice me.

Counselor

Answer


I Slept with My Cousin’s Wife; I Feel Guilty - About Islam

In this counseling answer:

• The key to repentance is not to repeat the act for which we have begged for forgiveness.

• When you do visit try not to think about the situation that occurred almost a decade ago.

• Hanging on after we have repented can only further perpetuate bad feelings, vibes, and situations.


As salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand your situation, you slept with your cousin’s wife approximately 8 years ago when you were 19. You are now 27 and you are currently married with one son.

Grief and Remorse

It is clear that you feel great remorse. This is a good thing. When we commit sins such as these, we should feel bad. Feeling bad and ashamed are signs that we have a conscience. It is a sign that we know we have committed something wrong, and it does not rest well with our spirit.

I Slept with My Cousin’s Wife; I Feel Guilty - About Islam

With that said, I am wondering if you had repented for this act of zina.

Repentance

As it has been eight years and you seem to fear Allah very much, I can imagine that you did repent to Allah and ask for forgiveness. However, if you have not done so, I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you do repent to Allah.

As you know Allah is most merciful and most forgiving. When we go to Allah in sincerity and repent for our sins, Allah is most forgiving.

The key to repentance is not to repeat the act for which we have begged for forgiveness.

Also, when we repent for sin, we are not to hang on to that sin once we have given it to Allah and asked for forgiveness. We learn from our mistakes, but we are to put it out of our minds. We are not to hang on to the sin.

Feeling Bad

It is understandable that you still feel bad and ashamed. However, it is best that you try to put this in your past insha’Allah and move on.

You stated that you visit your cousin and his wife once in a while and it causes you to feel uncomfortable. I would kindly suggest insha’Allah that when you do visit try not to think about the situation that occurred almost a decade ago.

Most likely your cousin’s wife has also repented. Let it go. You should as well. Look at the situation as something haram that happened a long time ago, but one that you have repented for and need to move on from.

Moving Forward

Often times when we commit sins and hurt others whether they know or not, it can weigh heavily on our conscience for a long time.

Please try to move on with your life and leave that sin in the past if you have repented to Allah.


Check out this counseling video:


Make Duaa to Allah to help you get over these feelings so you can move on with your life and fully enjoy your married life and child.

Trust in Allah

It is obvious you are very sorry and remorseful for what happened, but one cannot change the past. We can only move forward and strive to do better. We all commit sins in this life.

The key is in sincere repentance, learning from experience, trusting in Allah that we are forgiven and moving on.

Hanging on after we have repented can only further perpetuate bad feelings, vibes, and situations. When we trust in Allah, we trust that our sin has been covered and forgiven. If Allah forgives us when we repent, we must learn to forgive ourselves and move on.

Please do trust in Allah that this matter has been forgiven and ask for strength to forgive yourself and move forward with your life.

We wish you the best,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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