Thank you for writing to us and sharing your situation with you. I will try my best to advise you the best I can, In sha’ Allah.
Going through depression and feeling ill about yourself must be very difficult for you. It is not easy to be in a situation like you are in, and I am glad you are asking us for help. We can only advise you, but it is primarily something you will have to sort out yourself. It will take a lot of courage and effort, but you can do it if you really want to keep your family and yourself happy.
First of all, let me get it straight: did you marry your sister-in-law (your wife’s sister) whilst you were still married to your wife? If so, then it is not permissible to be married to them both at the same time because they are sisters. Allah (swt) says in the Quran:
“Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: … two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed” (4:23)
The feelings and relationship you are having with your sister-in-law are wrong. You should never have been involved with her. It is no surprise that your wife is upset about this and that her family is not supporting you in this decision of yours.
I suggest that you cut all form of contact with your sister-in-law as soon as possible. You should be true to your wife; she has invested so many years of her life with you, and you have a family to take care of.
You are depressed and feeling helpless that’s why you are having suicidal thoughts. You are going through a lot of pain, but you can overcome your problems with right decisions and I am sure that the suicidal thoughts will pass, in sha’ Allah.
It would be good if you spoke to a therapist, counselors or someone professional to help you in your situation. Allah (swt) has given you a life and you should appreciate it. Committing suicide would be another sin in Islam. The believer should be patient and seek help from Allah (swt). No matter how hard your situation is or whatever hardship you are going through, you should never end your own life or even think about it.
‘…and whoever kills himself with something will be punished with it in the Hereafter.” (An-Nasa’i)
My advice is that you forget her and start living an honest and lovable life with your wife and your children. As you did not say that your marriage with your wife was arranged and/or forced one, I assume you have many reasons you married your wife. Maybe write a list where you write down all the good characteristics you find attractive in your wife.
You have already hurt your wife and broken her trust by going behind her back and having an affair with her sister. It will take some time to build that trust with her, but I am sure that she will trust you again if you really show her that you are still committed to her.
You asked if you should have a fake relationship with your wife and committing sin or end your life. Both options are wrong and haram. You should always be true to your spouse. If you can’t, then it is better to separate. There is no point being in a marriage if you are going to hurt your partner or be unfaithful. And suicide is not an option at all, as I mentioned above.
The Prophet (saws) said:
“The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behavior is most excellent; and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)
Your family needs you and you need them, so I suggest that you pray to Allah (swt) and seek help. Be true in your prayers and stay away from haram things. Spend more quality time with you family and avoid being alone. Always be surrounded by righteous people and think positive.
Here are a few things you can do to forget about your sister-in-law and live a healthier and happier life:
– Cut off contact with her and never try to reach on to her even if it seems hard to do.
– Get rid of everything that remind you of her such as pictures, clothes, messages etc.
– Tell her to not contact you again, block and delete her telephone number from your phone.
– Sometimes the heart and emotions take control of you, but you have to learn to have control over your emotions. Whenever you think about her, remind yourself that you have a wife who loves you and gave you two wonderful children.
– Keep your mind distracted. Read Qur’an, pray, spend time with your wife and children.
– Value yourself. Allah (swt) has given you a life and you should be grateful. Treat yourself good and have positive thoughts about yourself. Always improve yourself. You are a human being, and human beings do mistakes but do not b too harsh on yourself. Ask for sincere forgiveness from Allah (swt).
– Eat and exercise. Even if you don’t feel like eating, you should make eating habits for yourself. Have set time for when you eat and eat healthily. Exercise regularly as it makes you feel better about yourself and gives you energy. Go for a walk, swimming, running, etc. Only 30 minutes activity per day is fine.
– Allow yourself time. Forgetting someone takes time. Naturally, the brain starts focusing on the here and now. Your brain will do the job for you if you are patient, In sha’ Allah.
You will do no good to yourself, your family, or to anyone else by ending your life. Suicide is not a solution to anything. Instead, start thinking rationally about your situation.
May Allah (swt) ease your problems and give you the strength to live a healthy and halal life.
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